


pareidolia

by Prumery



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Bottom Jesse McCree, M/M, Mentions of Attempted Suicide, Trans Jesse McCree, because uh life finds a way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-10-22 03:04:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17654840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prumery/pseuds/Prumery
Summary: The lights that dance in the corner of his eyes when he rubs them sometimes look like faces. They look like people Hanzo has killed; sometimes familiar, sometimes he can't put a name to them.The noises some of his kills made were indescribable, gushes of blood from wounds too deep to save. The softthkof an arrow flying into a man's head.The screams are the worst, he thinks to himself, finally pulling his fingers away from his face.Genji's, specifically, were.He wishes he didnt remember those.(Or, how Hanzo realizes he deserves a second chance. Jesse McCree is just a very good side effect of that.)





	1. Chapter 1

“We have been traveling for three hours. When will we get there,”

There was a nuisance about pure green scenery for ninety percent of a trip. An overwhelming nausea hits Hanzo down in his stomach, making him unsure that if he’s not actually prone to getting car sick.

The town that they had left was small, and dinky, leaving him with a small greasy taste in the  back of his throat because of the heavy food. There wasn’t anything different from other parts of the large Country, besides the fact that the entire area was awfully desolate. Trees dotted here and there; cattle herding themselves and a strange type of obsession with religious allegories.

The United States had changed a lot over the length of a couple of centuries. Old pictures of his Father and Mother vacationing in parts of the large continent come to mind as comparison.

“We are not much farther. There is a town, and then another forty minutes before we reach his place,”

“Please do not tell me we are meeting a cowboy. I have seen too many American stereotypes today as is,” Hanzo whispers in a small angry tone, staring at the large sign yelling  _ REPENT  _ in large block yellow letters, stark against a black background.

Genji sucks a breath through his teeth, and Hanzo blows air out of his nose heavily.

“He is not--”

“Brother--”

“Genji, please I cannot do this--” Genji laughs mockingly as he slides in his seat, groaning softly and running his fingers through his hair. Folding his hands in his lap, Genji stares out of the window, humming to a song on the radio.

He has not said much about his strange cowboy friend. Genji has not said much at all, actually. Since he had met him at Japan, and since the message Hanzo sent, all he knew was that Genji wanted to talk to him. 

Hanzo found it strange, and irking that he would not wish revenge or even death to Hanzo. There was a turmoil underneath his skin, he knew it. Underneath the cool gaze and the unwavering peace there must be… something.

Anything.

Hanzo stared outside at the scenery once again. The endless green starting to turn hypnotizing instead of utterly nauseating. A soft feeling of dread replaces the nausea, and he mentally berates himself.

He feels a panic attack setting into his being. He pushes that off until much later; much much later, when he’s alone and with the door closed.

There’s another hour, or maybe two, set in their travel. Gently, he folds his large jacket and places it in the crook of his neck and closes his eyes.

He’ll deal with that later.

 

* * *

 

A sharp jolt wakes him up. Hissing, he sits up, rubbing at his eyes, then to rubbing the stars out of his eyes. Genji hums softly, a gentle whirr of his speaker making him grimace at a memory flashing back.

“We have arrived to a break destination. Forty more minutes from here to Agent McCree’s residence.. Have a nice breakfast,” Athena’s accented voice was gentle, soft, as if guessing that they were napping in the car.

The leather seat underneath him squeeks softly as he slides out of the car, his prosthetics tapping against the wet concrete. It is indeed a small town, he thinks as he sets his cello case on his arm. There is only a large hall, which he guesses is the Mayor’s Office, a small diner, a motel the size of about two Greyhounds, and a gas station.

It’s… quaint. It’s nice, and no one knows who he is.

What blood he has on his hands. What people whisper, and hiss under their breaths at the tattoo peeking behind his wrist.

He swallows a difficult amount of saliva, and walks behind Genji as he trots to the small Waffle house.

“Come. This place has amazing food,”

“Is it--”   
“It’s not as greasy as before, I promise,” He takes off his faceplate, and Hanzo moves his eyesight to his neck, feeling a prick of something at his eyes.

The long and ugly scars from his dragons made Genji’s once handsome face rugged; an atrocity. Painful to look at and a complete mess.

The side of his lip is lifted slightly, so a small fang sticks out. Once, he mentioned, that McCree called him Pugsy for about a week when they were in his old group. Then Genji threatened to disembowel him, and had to stop.

Hanzo’s lip twitches as he sits and remembers that small quip. This McCree man sounds strange, and in it’s own way, interesting.

Reading up on his file, there wasn’t much about him. His slate was wiped clean before the age of 18, and whatever info he found about this strange man from New Mexico was basics.

Aged 37, Of Mestizo bloodline. Fluent in about 6 different languages, that he knows of, and with his marks on his aim and fighting techniques almost a perfect score.

Everything on him is squeaky clean during Overwatch. 

After that, there is nothing but overwhelmingly bad remarks. Train robbing, assault with a weapon, intend to harm, fucking bank robbing.

What the hell is this man exactly?   
“Well, well, well! Glen! If it ain’t the best damn man i’ve met in forever!”

The thickest, most stereotypical accent he’s ever heard floated into Hanzo’s ear, making his eye twitch and Genji grin maliciously.

His mechanical ears, as he’s called them, pointed down and he half mooned his eyes. Smiling wide and adorably, he reached out his hands to a gorgeous woman with big hair.

“Abigail. My sweet thing, how long has it been,”

They chittered and chattered, talking about things that quickly got boring. Glaring at the table and suddenly realizing where the inspiration for that name popped up.

Of course, leave it to Genji to use a dumbass name from a dumbass show that they used to watch as kids. 

“Who’s the wall of beautiful muscle you have here, darlin’?” Abigail said softly, popping a bright cherry bubble and chewing with her mouth open.

Hanzo literally forced himself to not make a disgusted face. He smiled tightly and set his hands on the table, cocking his head in interest and speaking softly.

“I am Jack. It is a pleasure,” He says, and inwardly smiles as her pale, freckle covered cheeks flush a soft shade of pink.

He is glad he still has that effect on people. It had been a while since he’d talked to actual people without it involving interrogation, or threats.

There’s a sick, smug face as he looked at Genji, who was glaring intensely.

Abigail was fumbling with herself as she took their orders, making Hanzo seem more interested and flirty.

There was nothing there, of course, being as Abigail was… well, a lovely lady, just that he really missed being able to do this. To be in control of something, to be able to just… fluster someone.

Oh, how good it felt.

She wrung her towel on her apron, finishing their order of waffles and plate of breakfast, leaving them to themselves.

Genji leaned back against the left corner,staring intently at the patrons and sighing. Behind Hanzo, there was a jukebox. It played old, soft music that was low enough to not annoy him, but high enough to set him in a mood.

It was toasty inside there, a small fire coaxed into a gentle flame. It crackled and spit up a little, and as Hanzo zipped up his jacket, a wave of calm flew over him.

“You do know that Abigail is only 22, right?”

Hanzo’s cheeks immediately flushed red, and he coughed into his hand. He had taken her as young, but not 22 young.

“I did not,” He said and Genji laughed softly, taking a sip of his coffee. There’s a silence, and then he swallows a little loudly.

“Brother… About McCree. About the Mission--”   
“Ah. So you’re telling me now,”

“Yes. I had a mission a week ago. I was compromised, and now I unfortunately cannot come out of hiding for at least 6 months as the media dies down. McCree is the only of us in our unit that is living off the grid well, and is hidden enough that I will be okay as long as we don’t make sudden noises, or any sort of attention to ourselves.

“Of course, McCree was wonderful enough to actually extend his home to us, and graciously hold us together as everyone starts getting situated at Overwatch. There’s still some issues with the new recruits, as a lot of old ones are not coming back,”

“And where do I come to play in this situation?”   
Genji frowns to himself. The small white hairs in his stubble curl softly, and suddenly Hanzo feels very old.

The fanned white hairs at the edges of his temples where shaved off in his dramatic haircut, but still, he expects to see them at the edge of his vision. The crows feet at his eyes, and his lips makes him feel much stranger, and older, and much more unworthy.

“I wish to… have time with you before I take you to Overwatch. To get to know at my new brother,” His cheeks are red in embarrassment about his feelings. Hanzo feels the same, as he was not taught to show emotions. None at all.

He wept many days for the time he did not weep for his Mother. Or for his Brother’s cold body as he held him.

Swallowing harshly, he took a sip of his water and he blinked away the nuisance of water in his eyes. Humming in agreement, he changed the subject.

“Angela. Will she be--?”   
“No. Angela does not wish to deal with Overwatch,” he hisses under his breath, an anger in his eyes as he said that. Hanzo remembers that the woman was the person to fix Genji.

Hm. Maybe should could fix him. The tears at night, the incredibly amount of sake, the inability to just move some days.

“Who is the healer now?”

“Medic. His name is Lucio--” Genji’s cheeks flush a bright red, and he smiles, looking down at his hands and running his fake finger against the small indent on the table. Hanzo smirked, but was interrupted to his question as Abigail came back with two very large plates.

Abigail winked, giggling to herself as Hanzo smirked at her, showing her his teeth and looking at her through his bangs. Genji groaned softly, and looked away from both of them, embarrassed.

As she left, Hanzo turned backed to him, and sipped on his water.   
“Now tell me about this Lucio,”

 

* * *

 

There’s a small indent on Hanzo’s belly, as he indulged himself on the breakfast. Abigail’s number was written with a heart on his napkin, and he felt a little bad for keeping it. He didn’t really mean to make her so interested in him, but the power of getting someone to like you in such a small time…

It was self indulging. A power thing.

He’s suddenly upset at himself. Genji is napping quietly beside him, taking advantage of Athena being able to take them to McCree’s.

The man was… strange. There was too much and too little info on this man, something to throw people off, to make them pass him over. He was interesting, yet at the same time who was he?

Pulling out the small communicator, he traced his thumb print over the scanner, blinking in reaction to the pop of the lights popping into his view. The large see-through screen glowed in front of him, catching the glint of the sun and showering the dark inside of the car with a warm glow.

There was McCree’s face. His intense look, his lopsided grin because of the large cigar, the angry look on his brow. Yet his eyes..,

A soft look is settled into the whiskey colored eyes. One pupil slightly enlarged from an accident, as he read in his file. Long lashes, and a soft crinkle from laugh lines. A soft shade of brown coloring his skin and an unruly looking beard covering his chin.

The man was attractive in a ruggish way. Not really Hanzo’s type, but all in all, he did make a small burn start at his cheeks.

Jesse McCree. A strange man with sad eyes, who somehow wrangled his mess of a brother and became his very close friend.

“We are turning into Agent McCree’s ranch. Please be aware that there is a small EMP, just in case your prosthetics go haywire,”

Athena spoke softly, and Hanzo wiggled his toes as he felt his legs start to crackle a little. He stared at the prosthetic, sighing as they regained their balance. Lifting his gaze, he then realized how… far out they had driven.

The large expanse of land was lush and green, the small flowers flowing against the soft warm air. Winter was biting around the corner, but for now, the wonderful area was bright and lucious.

The grass was healthy, and beautiful nestled besides a long gravel road leading up to a small cottage nestled next to a mountain and a loud rushing stream. A small barn hides two cows, a horse, and what looks like a really annoyed donkey.

He smiles gently at the large and fat golden retriever as they park besides a run down truck. He steps outside and it makes a loud grunting noise to signify that it wants to be pet. Gently, he sets himself on his knees, scratching it behind the ears, and reading it’s collar.

“Ellie,” He says her name softly, and her ears perk up, wiggling her butt and licking his face. She smelled like soap and a little bit of dirt. Her stomach was a little bloated, and her coat was a shiny and soft.

“An amazing gift to me today. Wonderful,” He squished her soft cheeks, her tongue lolling to the side and her brown eyes glittering as she wagged her tail harder.

“Jesse!” Genji’s sleepy voice rang out, and Hanzo turned to his brother, seeing him wave at a silhouette.

McCree turned to them, waving slightly. He was much more intimidating and attractive in person.

A tank top covered his person, showing off a slight farmers tan and very large arms. He was covered in scars, and sweat, slinging an axe over his shoulder and wiping his brow with a handkerchief. Another donkey sat beside him, looking bored as it chewed on the grass quietly.

“Long time no see, sweetness!” 

Hanzo had to swallow thickly and look away from the man as his buttery voice filled his senses. Relaxing his breathing, he reminded himself that he was just lonely, and really, he could find someone that wasn’t Genji’s old friend. 

McCree walked to them, putting the handkerchief back into his pocket, and gently whistling at Ellie. She snuffled and moved towards him, waddling as her large belly got in her way.

Then, did Hanzo realize that she was not indeed fat.

The cowboy pat her head, softly speaking to her in another language that he couldn’t hear, and walked towards them. Genji wrapped his arms around his waist and crushed him. There was a loud popping sound and McCree winced.

“Careful there. Been working all day and these old bones are finally starting to settle in,” Chuckling, he took off Genji’s helmet and ran his fingers through the salt and pepper hair, laughing as Genji grunted.

“Old? Jesse McCree you are barely even 40,”

There’s a small look in McCree’s face as he stares at his brother, and Hanzo crushes any and all interest in the man. 

He has a thing for his brother. Who would’ve guessed.

“You must be Hanzo. Heard… a lot about you,” McCree turns, staring coldly at Hanzo. His eyes hold no resentment, but they do not hold any emotion. Hanzo balks at taking his hand, so he gently bows, not expecting Jesse to follow suit.

“I have heard many good things about you. Thank you for helping my brother where I have failed,”

McCree’s eyes turn soft, and Genji sighs angrily, pushing his fist into Hanzo’s head and angrily hissing at him in Japanese. 

He had complained to Hanzo that his amount of self doubt and hatred was starting to get very annoying, but what he had said to McCree was no doubt true. There would be never a doubt that McCree was a mentor, a friend, and perhaps a brother to him.

If that’s what they felt about each other. McCree had found Genji in one of the worst stages in his life. There was no doubt that he deserved millions of praise. Perhaps Angela too, but it seems that her and Genji have a strained relationship.

Moira and Gabriel Reyes deserved praise too. Moira was cold hearted and seperate from the group, but her callous way of giving Genji praise for achieving after life (as she called it) made Genji feel strong.

From what is said of Reyes, he was a father figure and another mentor. To think that Genji needed a father figure was ludicrous, but… He remembers how much Genji starved for any attention from their father.

Hanzo feels a small pat on his should, and looks to see McCree putting a hand to his chest, and smiling softly.

“I am honored that you think of me that way. Genji explained a lot of what your life was like, and I can’t say I see you as amazing, or as wonderful, but I can say I understand,”

“I would not ask for anything else besides understanding, McCree,” 

“Jesse. Call me Jesse.”

 

* * *

 

 

“How much more does she need?”   
Hanzo says gently rubbing Ellie’s head as she sits on his lap. Her eyes are closed, the warmth of her chin on her knee making Hanzo smile at her. 

Genji and McCree sit quietly as they look over the plans for Overwatch. Jesse was going to be the right hand man to Winston, and somehow that makes Hanzo much more interested in the man.

Already, he has enough credit in his name in Blackwatch that, without hesitation, Winston added him as his co runner. What did this man do to deserve such recognition?

“A couple of weeks, really. Her and a neighbors shiba went lose and had a one night stand. Little tramp,” He laughed softly to himself as Ellie looked at him, seemingly offended. Hanzo rubbed her ears and stared at her.

“Never had a dog before?”

“I was not allowed. It was a distraction,” He said a little terse, his face cold. He bit his lip and tried to shake the ghosts of his Father’s voice.

McCree’s face fell, and he coughed into his hand. They didn’t say anything anymore, falling into a quiet hum. Genji messed with his prosthetic and Jesse read a book quietly.

Hanzo finally started to feel the weariness of traveling. His eyes kept closing, and he tried to snap away the sleep, but the Lazy Boy was warm and big and Ellie’s soft sniffs and licks made him smile in a dazed state.

“Now where are my manners, I did not show y'all your room. Come,” McCree whispered, taking Hanzo’s hand and lifting him up. 

There was no resistance from him, Ellie trotting behind him and gently whimpering. The dragons are uneasy as Hanzo finally feels the toll of keeping them at bay. They crackle slightly, but McCree, surprisingly, does not react to the blue light.

McCree is gentle, his hands calloused and warm. There’s a soft murmur behind him, Genji talking to him, and McCree replying in an equally soft tone. Hanzo feels a little dizzy, the room spinning.

“Must be the weather change,” The cowboy’s voice rings in his ears, and he swallows a bit heavily. There is no resisting his charm and his loveliness. McCree is indeed kind and attentive, as Genji had said.

He is put in a soft blue room, with a comfortable bed, a dresser, and a closet. The giant blanket is a dark maroon color with a giant lion staring at him. A small cactus is prepped against the window in the room, but besides that, the room is bare.

“I would help you out of your clothes, but I do not wish to make ya uncomfortable,” He raises his hands gently, and Hanzo shakes his head.

“Please, do not think you are intruding. You are being wonderful in letting us stay here because of a mistake of my brothers,”

“Genji… is very important to me. It’s the least I can do,”

Hanzo swallows thickly at the soft little look he has; his hand on his heart and those whiskey eyes gentle as he sighs. It’s something else entirely when said like that.

He should’ve guessed. McCree is a man who is looking for someone soft. Not hard edges, and anger, and a kinslayer.

Genji… has always been soft. The playboy, the cute one, the one who gets away with anything. Not the Scion. Not the one chosen to take their family name, their burden.

“You love my brother.”

McCree’s eyes flash, but Hanzo does not now enough of him to know what it is. He gently undoes his jacket, shrugging it off and leaving himself in a wife beater. Slipping the jacket into a hanger, he slides it into the closet, and closes it. The large mirror lets him see McCree’s bashful face.

“I… well,”   
“It is not surprising. My brother has always been the much better one,” Hanzo whispers, turning to look at McCree over his shoulder. The man stares at him, and Hanzo sighs.

“I will not say anything. It is much better to tell people as the time comes, and a smarter choice to be the person to tell them,”

“Ain’t like that, sweetness. I just…,” McCree crosses his arms, itching at a scab underneath the rolled up sleeves of his plaid button up. 

Hanzo stares at McCree as he fumbles and cusses in Spanish. What little Hanzo knows makes him smile softly. Failing to translate is always a problem for polyglots.

“I just… I don’t even know where my feelings stand. It’s hard for me recently, since i’ve…” He stares at Hanzo, and he realizes that McCree probably is thinking that confessing something like this to a stranger, and even worse yet Genji’s brother, might be a bad idea.

There’s a silence, only interrupted by Ellie yipping and jumping onto the bed where Hanzo was suppose to sleep. 

McCree makes a weird shushing noise, followed by a loud “EH” and trying to drag her off the bed. He’s talking to her in spanish and she’s yelling back at him, whining and snuffing at him.

“It is fine. I will take care of her,”

“You need your rest--”

  
“I promise, it is fine,” Hanzo smiles, putting his hand on McCree’s wrist, moving it away from Ellie and gently kissing her head. 

He sets himself on the bed, toeing off his shoes and wincing at the metal plates as they tap on the soft panels. 

The cowboy stares at the silver toes of his prosthetics, and Hanzo looks up at him.

“My brother managed to… get a good hit,” He says with a soft, pained look. McCree raises his brows and shakes his head.   
“He was always proud of that one.”

That comment leaves hanging in the room. McCree steps out of the room, closing the door and wishing him a good night.

Hanzo slides into the bed, feeling confused, but not in a bad way, as Ellie softly lays her head on his belly, sniffs at his chest, and then falls asleep.

For the first time in a while, Hanzo doesn’t have nightmares as he sleeps.

  
  


* * *

 

It smells like bacon and toast before he even opens his eyes. Hanzo’s groggy and confused for a second, but a small whine from Ellie reminds him where he is.

He smiles, petting her softly. There’s a soft hum of the heater filling his senses, and he stretches, popping the bottom of his spine and parts of his back. His age is starting to settle in his bones, yet he prefers this over being in his 20’s and suffering through rigorous training again.

He lets himself stare at the ceiling for 15 minutes. Ellie is licking herself, making weird squelching noises as she grooms herself, making him roll his eyes and smile. He sits up, rubbing his eyes and sighing as he finally decides to get up. A loud smacking noise makes him knit his brows, and Ellie looks at the door, making a small noise.

There’s a soft echo of talking as he moves to the door, rubbing his eyes and flexing his metal toes as he moves over to the kitchen.

“Good morning,” McCree whispers gently, setting a giant plate of pancakes in front of him. There’s red rice and beans, along with a small square of fresh cheese, along with eggs that are way too bright red to be eggs.

He blinks at the table setting, sitting himself down. He doesn’t wish to be rude, and tell him that usually he only drinks a cup of hot water with lemon in the morning, so instead, he gently sets a pancake and a side of rice and beans to himself.

Genji, unlike him, is loading his plate with a whole bunch of eggs and food. He scarfs everything down like he can’t get enough, gently groaning at the food.

Hanzo makes a face as McCree laughs to himself.   
“Slow down there, darlin’,” McCree runs his fingers through Genji’s salt and pepper hair, making him smile through a mouthful of eggs, making some of them drip down his chin.

He doesn’t look at both of them as McCree makes a face and wipes at his face, cussing at him in spanish and telling him he needs manners. Ellie is scrambling to eat all the food on the floor, making Hanzo smile at her as she slips a toast to her, laughing as she gobbles it down.

“When are you heading out to your mission, McCree?”

“In two days. Ya’ll are welcome to stay, just feed Ellie for me and take care of them dishes,” He says as he sits down as well, putting down a white box and moving the cover to show Hanzo a large stack of tortillas.

Ah. So that’s what the slapping was.

He rolls one in a thin taco shape, dipping it into his beans and then shoves it in his mouth. McCree’s food smells absolutely divine, and it tastes even better.

The man smiles in content as he stares at Hanzo;s reaction, as if he was worried that he would enjoy his home made food.

“I apologize for not indulging as much as my brother. I have a strict regimen I must follow to keep in shape,” Hanzo says assuringly, cracking his neck as he speaks.

McCree rolls his hand at him, scoffing.

“I do not mind, sweetness. Feel free to tell me my food sucks,” He winks at him, making Hanzo smile as he finishes his meal. He quietly sips at the warm tea, knitting his brows at the flavor. He didn’t exactly recognize it, but it was a deep spearmint that tickled the back of his memory.

Standing, he pushed in his chair and picking up his plates, he heads to the sink, starting on the dishes. McCree thanks him quietly, going to grab an axe that is leaned against the side of his door. Taking off his plaid button up, Hanzo tries not to stare as he heads towards the back of the cottage, swallowing as McCree begins to cut lumber.

Instead, he starts angrily scrubbing the dishes, refusing to listen to the loud grunts and slams as McCree began to split the wood into smaller pieces.

He finished rather quickly, angrily throwing suds at Genji as he grabbed another plate.

Genji walks to McCree, holding a glass of lemonade that had been hiding behind some sodas. Hanzo stares out the window of the kitchen, seeing McCree without his shirt of, his muscles flexing as he grips an axe.

Hanzo chokes on his spit, patting on his chest and looking away as Genji walks to him. They speak loud enough to hear some of the conversation, but not enough to actually hear words by themselves.

McCree pounds the lemonade, talking offhandedly to Genji. He swipes his mouth, making Hanzo’s own mouth run dry.

There’s a small pudge around the tight jeans he’s wearing. McCree’s chest is covered in a fine dust of brown hair, scars littering his body. A large tattoo of what he guesses is a bull’s skull covers the entirety of his upper back, and god is that a tramp stamp?

Hanzo looks intently at the sink, scrubbing a plate harshly and ignoring the soft blush settling on the apples of his cheeks. 

Don’t look. Don’t look.

The murmurs of both Genji and Hanzo make him look up. The cowboy is gently holding Genji’s elbow, laughing and crinkling as he stepped a little closer to Genji. Hanzo could see a twitch in Genji’s face and he stiffened slightly, but there was not look to him as he gently moved away.

McCree’s face frowned, but only for a brief second. Only just enough to let Hanzo see that McCree had been hurt by that.

Wiping his hands, he stepped back and walked away from the window. That wasn’t something he really wanted to see.

Genji walks back inside, smiling at Hanzo as the man begins to slip on a jacket. He wants to go for a walk, just to clear his head.

“Brother. Are you going out?”   
“McCree’s land is very beautiful. I would love to see more of it,” Gently, he walks outside, hearing his metal shoes clicking against the concrete. He walks to the back of McCree’s home, coming up to him as he finishes slipping on his button up.

Hanzo ignores the blush that settles again as he notices McCree is sweating. His cheeks are bright red, even though his skin is a pretty sun kissed brown.

“Where you going, sweetness?”

“I just wish to see your home. It is very beautiful, and I have never been to this part of the United States,” He says gently, tugging at one of his earrings and turning to the raising sun.

“Ah well, you’re welcome to see it. There’s a nice creek along the back, settling into a river bed that always has lovely sights. It’s starting to get cold, but maybe I can take you there after I come back from that mission,” He winks at Hanzo, throwing the axe over his shoulder and stretching a little.

Hanzo smiles softly, walking towards a beaten path, petting Ellie as she wiggles and follows him.

“I would love that,”

 

* * *

 

Hanzo stares as the water as it rushes down the rocks. His dragons bounce around the rocks, letting out loud squeaks, yelling and nipping at Ellie as she gets to close.

Tears are in his eyes and he’s trying hard to fight back his anger and resentment when he’s alone. He hasn’t even been alone more than twenty minutes and already he’s breaking down.

Great.

Sitting himself besides Ellie as she shakes off the water and barks loudly at his dragons, he wonders what he really is doing here. What is his new change, his new meaning.

He came with his brother to do something, to change something. To become a better person, to do… something. Something besides just wait for his death to come.

He stares at the long lines on the insides of his arms. He remembers them, he remembers that day. The drowsiness, the anger, the fact that he couldn’t even finish his half done job.

Staring out into the lake, Hanzo wonders what he’s meant to do now.

There’s a cool lick on his face as Ellie whines at him. As if she feels his anger, and his confusion.

He smiles at the dogs, scratching her ear, and finding her favorite spot quickly. She wiggles, her leg kicking up into her belly, and her eyes rolling to the back a little.

He stares at his phone as he books the last tickets he ever will for Hanamura. His brother had said there is no use going back. He is alive, and well, and there is no more use to mourn.

Hanzo realizes that he wants closure. One last end, one last goodbye. Goodbye to his past life, his anger, the ties he had to the Yakuza.

Two tickets. One for him and one for his cello that contain his weapons and his offerings.

“Brother I am alive. I am here, I am well. We got away. We finally did it,” Genji’s soft voice filled his ringing ears and he stared at the phone screen.

He can start anew. One more Goodbye. Not for his brother.

For himself.

For his new self.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the positive comments on this. It has been almost 2 to 3 years since ive written anything and this is something that ive been meaning to write for almost 5 months  
> (please dont read all my shitty fics im a better person i promise)  
> Anyway. I have previews and updates to when i post on my twitter and tumblr (rockitsuu) if you want to see some tidbits later  
> ALSO ANY RECS PLS INBOX ME. pls. i need more fics to read because im dying because one of my fave fics, tender tinder, was finished, along with afterdrop and look up and wonder and im dying here my dudes

“There’s no way--”

“I am not kidding! Hanzo totally dressed up as Tuxedo Mask! I have some pictures somewhere, I swear--”

Hanzo’s eyes slowly open as he hears voices drift into his borrowed room. There’s a soft pitter patter of rain against the window, the glass fogging up from his warm breath and body heat. There’s a chill setting into his bones and he huffs, glaring at the puff that comes out of his mouth.

The scars on the inside of his wrists ache and twinge a little, but it’s just side effects from acknowledging them yesterday. 

Sometimes things like that happen. He brings up old wounds, old memories, and suddenly there’s a rush of anger and resentment and emotions he can’t exactly seem to get away from.

Sitting up, he pops in his back and groans gently. He had overslept.

There’s another wonderful smell that fills his senses. Apparently, McCree had a tendency to over feed his guests.

Smiling, he slips on his slippers and slides on his jacket. The rain is heavy now, settling deep into the cool earth. That walk that McCree mentioned is going to have to wait.

He steps out of the room, blearily dragging his hands over his eyes, yawning and pulling out his communicator, he checks up on the status of his missions. 

There aren’t any, for the time being, as him and Genji have to lie low for a while. He’s upset that it includes him, since he hasn’t even gone on a mission yet. But since Winston, Tracer, and Genji himself decided to try to fight doomfist, they were now stuck doing paperwork and trying to hide their presence.

There was no use, honestly. People knew. Overwatch was back and there was no stopping it now. 

He’s been following the hashtags since he started with them, and people were going crazy. Some saying it was about time they came out of hiding, and others frowning and complaining that Overwatch was disbanded for a reason. They shouldn’t be coming back.

Genji had cussed at that last part. Angela had said the same exact thing, telling him that they disbanded for a reason, that there was no use in being in a group that was illegal now.

He had looked betrayed. Hanzo felt terrible that he didn’t know how to help his brother through that pain. Especially because Angela had been very close to him.

But no matter. They had to move on. 

Walking into the kitchen, he sets himself at the table, groggily accepting the cup of tea that McCree handed him. Warm and sweeter than he liked, but it was fresh and something besides nothing to help the biting ache in his lower belly.

“Do not be handing out my secrets like that, Genji,” Hanzo smiled softly, sipping his treat and sighing in content. The food today was a bright green color, adorned with cabbage and bright red beets. Taking a small bowl, he tries to remember how to pronounce this one.

As he’s seen, McCree seems to take company very seriously. He has tidied up, Genji had commented, and for every meal it seems to be home made. It must be an American tradition.

“Brother, you know I am one to hide your most dangerous secrets,” Genji winked at McCree, making him laugh and turn to the pot on the stove. A bubbling mess of rice was splashed with milk, cinnamon sticks, and a triangular shaped object. It immediately smells of too much sugar and his sweet tooth is ready to kill him, he knows.

“So McCree. What is this mission you’re going to anyway?” Genji says, taking a bite of a conch shaped bread, dipping it into a tea that doesn’t… look like tea. It’s brown, and murky, but it smells strongly of cinnamon.

“Well… I gotta go back to Deadlock Gorge for some unfinished business. There’s something that Winston needs from me, and I just gotta be the one to do it,” He frowns angrily at his concoction, and Hanzo stares at Genji in question.

That place is were McCree is from. From what he had seen in his files, there might be some secrets and dark memories that might plague the man. There’s an uneasiness in the way he speaks, and the way his eyebrow twitches. For an expressive face, he’s not showing much of what he feels at the moment.

“Are you gathering intel?”

“Far from it, darling.” He punctuates the sentence, as if wanting to leave it at that. There could be other things that he wants to talk about but really, what else is there. He won’t know anything until McCree wishes to speak about it, and he won’t push it.

There is a silence from all three of them. Ellie makes a soft ‘awoo’ noise, wanting to be let out. Her tail wags as McCree opens the door, letting her dart off and relieve herself. The rain is not heavy, but the holoscreen on the refrigerator says that it will go down harder in a couple of hours.

There’s an itch deep inside of Hanzo, the dragons stirring loudly as he hears thunder. He wants to go out. To swim in the deep water of the river bed that runs through McCree’s land. To take in the softness of the stream, the cold of the water.

The dragons would not let him die. They didn’t before, and they wouldn’t now.

He plans to do that later. To let himself wade in the deep darkness of the waves, and let the cold rush over him. He hopes it will cure that itch for a bit.

“When will you leave?”   
“Tomorrow afternoon. Don’t worry too much none about what i’m doing. I’ve held my own for years,” he laughs to himself, sets down his spoon and finishes the boil for the food. There’s a look in his face that makes Hanzo wonder what exactly he’s thinking.

He doesn’t press it. Jesse McCree is still far from a friend.

 

 

* * *

 

“How is it that you find energy to do that?”

Hanzo stares at McCree as he starts stocking the wood against the back of the house. The rain pours loudly, making his voice sound distant and small, but McCree chews the end of his cigar, smiling at his comment.   
“What ya mean darling?”

“Well… it is raining. It’s cold and you can do this some other time. There is no need for you to work yourself right now,”

The smell of honey fills his senses as McCree blows out a large pillow of smoke. He chews the end of the honied cigar, his eyes quiet and him lips tucked. Looking down at the ground he sees his fingers covered in soot and dirt.

There’s a silence from him, and he looks out in the rain. He’s used to heavy work. He’s used to overworking himself.

This man has been through a lot.

“If I can borrow your kitchen, McCree, I can make you coffee pudding,” He offers gently, seeing McCree wipe his dirty hands on his dirty pants, and turn to him, smiling gently.

“Darling, call me Jesse,”

The soft and serene silence in McCree’s face as he gently eats pudding makes Hanzo smile. This man is not used to resting, he’s not used to having time for himself. It makes him upset that he also sees so much of himself in him.

The detachment. The sadness. The ache of being alone.

He doesn’t want to ruin the quietness and soft aura McCree brought into the home. It pours loudly outside, Ellie whimpering gently, upset that she cannot go outside and play. McCree softly rubs his fingers over the back of her head, scratching gently.

“How much longer til she is due?” His voice is soft. He doesn’t want to raise his voice, he doesn’t want to ruin it.

“Probably a month. Poor things’ waddling like a pig,” He laughs, rubs her ear, and finishes off his cup of pudding and sips gingerly on his tea. The food is on the warmer, and McCree stares out through his window.

“I am to meet someone I once trusted again. I don’t wish to sound like a downer, but it sure is hitting me hard to see a familiar face,” There’s another silence, Hanzo humming gently to answer him, and McCree sighs.

“It’s hard to deal with your past. Especially if you have not moved on from it,”

Hanzo doesn’t say anything as McCree lights another cigar. The honey smell wafts into the room, filling his senses and dulling the taste of the pudding he eats.

McCree is quiet.

Hanzo doesn’t talk.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Are you enjoying McCree’s company?”

“He seems to be warming up to me,” It has stopped raining enough to enjoy the dark clouds and bright sun dropped in the sky. It’s cold, and his knees ache where they meet his prosthesis. Rubbing at them, he drinks more tea, his cheeks red. The cold is starting to bite, but his plans for his swim have not wavered.

“He likes you. He hasn’t spoken this much to me since I was in Blackwatch,”

“Did you even speak back then?”   
Genji scratches at the stubble meeting the fake jaw and he sighs. It’s a metallic sound, a whirr. Hanzo feels a pain in his chest, but it subsides when Genji smiles.

“I did. I always threatened him,”

Hanzo laughs loudly, staring out at the cows grazing. They’re large and very well brushed. McCree had said to milk them for him when he was away, since they yell if they are not taken care of.

The donkeys are eating hay, braying at Ellie as she runs around them, happy that she can leave the house. Her golden coat is dirty from running around, her barks loud and her yips louder.

Hanzo whistles loudly, making her book it towards him. She tries to run as fast as she can but she’s swollen from her pregnancy. There’s a whine from her, angrily trying to run towards him, but not going as fast as she wanted.

Genji is losing it, laughing at her as she waddles and trips over her feet.   
“Look at her. She’s such a mess,”

Ellie walks to Hanzo, setting her face on his lap, sighing happily and wiggling her tail at him. He is unused to affection of an animal. But he relishes it.

Sometimes he wishes that he could change how they were born. How he reacted to Genji’s betrayal, to be able to fight back to what the clan did to him and his brother. 

To be able to be a child again. To be able to be careless. To feel the sand in between his fingers, to be able to hold his mother as she passed away.

He didn’t even get that.

Hanzo is quiet as Genji stares at him. The man puts his hand on Hanzo’s hand, and he squeezes it softly.

  
“Hanzo?”

“I…--” He notices that tears are rolling down his cheeks. His hands shake and Genji unclips his mask. Those cool honey eyes look so much like his mothers. She was a lovely woman, not Hanzo’s blood, but she loved him.

_ “Hanzo. Such a lovely boy. Such a good son to mine. I am grateful to be your mother,” _

Hanzo is shaking. His crying harder and he’s staring at the softness of Genji’s eyes. They’re bright with life, and ,God, there’s pain there, he doesn’t want there to be.

_ “Protect my little Genji. Your brother needs you,” _

“Hanzo?”

  
He can’t stop crying. 

So he doesn’t.

“Hanzo, please…”

Hanzo just can’t stop crying

"JESSE! HELP!”

 

* * *

  
  


It feels like he’s drowning sometimes.

Being unused to feeling emotions, to letting them happen, it makes him overfill. Like pouring too much water into the cup, and the only thing holding him together is the tension.

Sometimes he overflows, dripping over the sides, onto the table, making a mess. There’s not control, there’s not stop to it. It keeps pouring, coming out of him in waves.

The bed is nice and warm when he opens his eyes. There’s a pressure on his nose and his eyes, signifying that he’d been crying for a while. 

God, he broke down in front of Genji. AND McCree.

How embarrassing.

Gently, he gets up. His head is swimming, it hurts to move as he looks around, and he tries not to overthink.

The room is dark, and the bed feels a lot bigger. His fingers run over the blanket, then he realizes that he’s not in his room. 

Soft, fluffy pillows cover him. Two blankets piled behind him and a couple more pillows are covering parts where he’s roll over to. A bright orange blanket is tucked into his side and the room smells faintly of honey cigars and cologne. The room is large and comfy, with cacti pressed against the corner next to a very large television and a laptop.

The window is open, showing that the sun is hidden behind the clouds. It’s raining a little harder, making the dragons stir and whimper.   
**“Out. Let us out,”**

He scratches his beard, running his fingers down the goatee and sighing. Shuffling, he realizes that Ellie is sitting at the foot of the bed. She wiggles at him, letting out a soft awoo and licking the cold of his toes.    
“She was worried about you,”

McCree is standing in the hallway, a cup of something in his hand. He is staring at Hanzo, and he stiffens.

“I… want to say sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out like that--”

Hanzo didn’t remember much from him going into a manic attack. Just soft hands running through his hair, cooing in his ear.

“Hanzo--”

“I don’t even remember much. I just… I just couldn’t keep it in anymore--” Hanzo whispers and grips the comforter tightly. His hands shake, and he swallows down anger at showing so much to someone he only knows so little of.

“Hanzo, please darling. Just be silent. You’ve really worn yourself thin holding all that in,” Jesse breathes in softly, and walks to Hanzo. He sets the cup on the table, and sits besides Hanzo. Hanzo feels uncomfortable with the man so close.

_ “I can’t! I can’t stop crying!” _

_ “Darling, please breathe. You aren’t breathing, come on, breathe!” _

McCree gently touches Hanzo’s hand and brings him into a hug. The man is stiff under his touch, but suddenly he melts. 

His hands are soft. He smells like smoke, and like wool, and god Hanzo is just so tired. He wants touch, he misses being able to be held, to be cared for.

McCree’s fingers run through his hair, down his cheek and softly tracing a scar on the inside of his chin. He’s careful, and gentle, making sure that Hanzo isn’t uncomfortable.

“Darling. You’re hurting real bad. Just… relax,” McCree gently purrs, Hanzo smiling as he hears the deep baritone in his chest. The smoothness of his voice, the softness of his hands.

“Really scared your brother there, sweetness,” McCree said gently, not raising his voice, and there’s no blame in his tone.

“I have to apologize to him. I did not mean to,”

He hums softly, brings his fingers over his eyebrows, tracing the soft lines there. He didn’t realize that he was frowning and making a face. He relaxes, his face softening and he lays in McCree’s arms.

“You are being too soft with me. Why?”

McCree stays quiet, his fingers running through his hair, not saying anything. Hanzo is starting to fall asleep again, still feeling drained, still feeling like the cup is overflowing.

“I might just like you, you know. Not everyone is out to get you,” McCree’s words are soft, and Hanzo is handed a cup of tea. The tea is spearmint, as he remembers, and he sips on it in slow sips.

The warmth of the room and in his belly starts to settle, and his eyes start to close. Ellie gets up on the bed, curling up as close as she could to him. Hanzo runs his fingers through her long fur, his eyes closing as McCree smiles at him.

His eyes are crinkled and sad, and Hanzo doesn’t want him to be sad. He shouldn't have made him sad.

He’s handsome. The long slope of his nose is crooked, probably from it being broken so many times and not fixed. There’s a faint scar on the top of his lip, meeting into his scruff. His skin is a soft shade of brown, and the shadows crossing over his face make him look stunning to Hanzo.

“Now, don’t fall in love with me, Darling,” McCree whispers gently, letting Hanzo move to set the cup down and curl up into the bed. McCree’s bed is warm and soft, and he’s ready to just die there.

To succumb to those thoughts. To be in the darkness of it all.

“Don’t think of those things either,” 

Hanzo’s eyes snap open to see the cowboy staring at him intently. McCree’s face is cold, but his eyes are holding a lot of what he doesn’t understand.   
He still doesn’t understand. He wants to know him, to see inside of what he hold in there, in his eyes.

“I am not--”

“I know how it is afterward. Don’t think of that, Hanzo,” He says again, a little harder. There’s a silence and he knows what’s running around in there. Deep in his thoughts.

“Just breathe, Hanzo. Everything will be fine,”

 

* * *

 

He opens his eyes again later on. The headache is gone, and the pain in his eyes is down to a dull throb. The rain is basically slamming into the windows.

**“Out. We have to go out, Master, please…”**

He itches to get up. But he stills himself, sitting up and grunting as he feels something on his chest. He immediately freezes, going to grab his knife (it’s not there), when he notices Genji.

Genji is curled up like a cat beside him. His hand over his chest, gripping his shirt and holding him there. He snores softly, his mask placed against the cup he had left.

There’s no shininess to him. His armor is on the floor, and he notices the large flannel and the boxers he wears. 

There’s still flesh. A leg, an arm. Parts of his thighs, the hand curled up to his face. 

Hanzo’s chest aches as he stares at the man. He’s grabbing him like he’ll go away. 

It hurts him.

The dragons are raging. His hand sparks, and he sees a green spark react to it. His dragons come out, whining and barking at him, trying to get him to move. To go.

The tiny green dragon he hadn’t seen in years pops out. Her eyes are just as big, her right arm missing. She squeaks at him, and jumps onto his shoulder.

“Little one…” He says softly to her, gripping her head as she purrs and nips at his ear. Considering she was always Genji’s, she always seemed to enjoy his company.

Hanzo’s eyes fill with tears, and he smiles.

**“Master, please--”**

He rolls his eyes at the dragons, sitting up and cupping all three of them, he walks to the door.

Genji snorts softly, but he isn’t awake. He might be feeling his dragon away from him, and he hopes it doesn’t wake him.

“It has been a while, Kumo,” he rubs her belly, frowning at seeing the long scars on the inside of her belly and her nub. Arashi and Raito are nipping at her horns, and her tail making her hiss, but not out of anger.

“Stop, both of you. Quit picking on her,” He says to them, gripping Arashi from his scruff, seeing him mewl and angrily wriggle at him.

He doesn’t even care that he is only wearing his pants and tank top. Stepping outside he immediately feels better as the rain drips down his face. It hits him like a train, being able to feel the lightning course through him. Arashi bolts up into the air, and Raito curls around him, seeing him glow.

Kumo flies up with them, and for the first time in years does Hanzo feel whole.

 

 

* * *

 

The water is freezing, but there’s steam rising off of his skin. He’s always been warm, especially with the power of the dragons running through him. He slips out of his clothes, itching to just go into the water.

It’s not far from McCree’s home, curling around the back of his estate. The stream follows into a waterfall, and it's gorgeous. The water is basically freezing, but he doesn’t care.

Now naked, he sinks into the water. The dragons dip down in to the water, then come back up. He hears them laugh, nipping at Kumo as she wriggles with them. He cannot hear her speak, since she is Genji’s, but they translate for him.

**“She missed you,”**

Raito says softly, curling around him as he sinks deeper. The water is rushing into his armpits and the inside of his legs. It cools the warmth that radiates from the inside of him. He swims towards the waterfall, sitting underneath it and smiling up at the dark sky. 

The green and blue jets of light taking off into the air make his vision blur. His body aches, and as he sinks into the water, it feels like there’s no pain.

Sinking farther, Arashi angrily comes down, leaving bubbles around Hanzo’s face. He can hold his breath for a long time, but the dragons huff over him putting himself in a dangerous situation.

Under the water, he sees the ripples undulating over the surface. The moon looks like it’s swimming along with him, and he breathes out softly.

**_“Master, wake up. Master, please you cannot leave us,”_ **

The scars on the inside of his wrists ache. He remembers the cold of the hamidashi on the inside of his wrists, and sinking into the warm water of the deep tub in some run down hotel.

He was ready to just leave. To end it. He didn’t expect the bright blue glow on the inside of his wrists and the sudden anger at himself as he noticed how much red bleed into the water.

He would not let himself die so easily. No man would kill him, much less his dumb ass self.

Bubbles raise from his mouth. He smiles softly, running his fingers through the sand and feeling some fishes get curious and nip at his skin.

**“Master. You are not well,”**

Raito swims over his legs, over his belly. His nails scratch against his abs, and he nips at his stomach, making Hanzo smack at him.

“I am fine. Better than I was a while ago,” He thinks at him, seeing Kumo bring down more bubbles for him to breath in.

**“You panicked. We couldn’t bring you out of it; I apologize,”** The dragon said gently, curling on his chest, as if to apologize.

**"The cowboy. He did it. He got you out. I like him,"** Hanzo ignores that part, staring at the ripples Arashi makes as she swims over the surface of the water.

Hanzo scratches the soft hair flowing in the soft waves of the stream. The waterfall makes it flow and move against his skin and his body.

Floating up, he finally unsticks himself from the bottom of the stream, his head popping out of the water. His hands start shaking and he’s ready to go inside.

The feeling of dread he held all day after his panic attack washed away down in the stream. With his dragons and his fear.

**“Someone is here!”**

At Raito’s panicked voice, Hanzo immediately pulls out his hamidashi and flicks his wrist back, ready to launch it directly into someone’s eye. The dragons scamper into the sky, bursting into light to show Hanzo--

McCree.

His eyes are wide with fear, and his hand is shaking as he holds his hand to his side. Peacekeeper is pulled out, and he looks…

Worried?”

Hanzo’s hand goes down, and he stares intently at the man. McCree’s hand goes down, and clears his throat.

“I… panicked. I thought you..” He says, his eyes wide again. For a man with such a neutral face, his emotions are written in his eyes.

“You thought I decided to finish it,” the rain had stopped when he was sunk in the water. It’s a soft drizzle now, and he puts the small knife into its strap on the inside of his leg. He then remembers he is… very nude.

Not really caring, he steps out of the water. McCree chokes on his spit and he looks away. Hanzo walks up to his clothes, huffing as he realizes that they’re very wet.

Ignoring that, he slides on his pants and folds up his shirt, putting it over his arm.

“I… maybe.” McCree says gently, and slides off his serape. He puts it over Hanzo’s shoulders, ignoring his protests. Hanzo frowns, but then looks up at the sky, whistling.

“Raito. Arashi, come--” 

The dragons appear, settling into the tattoo in his arm. They purr in happiness, having enjoyed their time in the storm.

“Oh, hey. Kumo!” McCree laughs as the little one launches herself into McCree’s chin. Hanzo notices that he’s only wearing a tank top and sleep wear. He’s not even wearing boots, he’s wearing slip ons.

Covered in mud.

He ran here, he thinks as he sees the marks on the ground. They’re spread out a good amount, since McCree’s legs are pretty long.

He stares intently at the footprints, and McCree coughs beside him.

“I was… very worried,”

“About me…?”

“Yes. About you,”    
Hanzo stares at the ground, but then moves his gaze to McCree. Kumo is curled in his hands, and Hanzo feels his chest tighten as he scratches her belly.

“You do not have t--”

“But I do.” He says harshly, and Hanzo stiffens again. He says it with so much emotion, and anger, and he feels whatever emotion is coming from him. He’s not good at seeing this man’s emotions, he’s a stranger to Hanzo.

“... Thank you…” He says softly, and turns to walk towards his home. McCree has been nothing but generous to him. Nothing but a gracious host, and apparently, a gracious person. His shoes squelch as he walks, and he cusses under his breath, taking them off and chucking them to the side.   
“Damn it. That was my last pair,” McCree whispers, and Hanzo notes to buy him some soft socks when he was away. Maybe as a thank you present.

“Look.. Hanzo. You can’t just worry me like that. I have a delicate heart, sweetness,” He says and he feels McCree shift. Like he wants to put his hand on his shoulder, or… something.

“I did not mean to break your delicate heart,” He smiles softly, turning over his shoulder to see McCree stare at him. There’s something dancing behind his eyes, but he doesn’t know what it is.

Hanzo then notices right there that McCree has a dilated eyes. One of them is pin pricked underneath the sharp light of the house, and the other is half dilated. The brown in his eyes is a soft whiskey color, and Hanzo feels his cheeks flush.

McCree smiles gently, rubbing his fingers over his beard, scratching at his neck. 

He’s embarrassed.

Why?

“Do you want me to make you lunch? You haven’t eaten all day, besides breakfast,”

“I would love that,”

 

 

* * *

 

McCree cooks quietly, the three dragons piled on top of Ellie, who snores softly. Hanzo is fresh out of the shower, clean cotton pants and a large sweat on his frame. He’s scrolling through his phone, finding a nice pair of cactus patterned wool socks, and ordering them. He sends a message to Athen to send them one a drone when they arrive.

The food he puts down is folded tortillas in a bright red sauce. He stares as McCree shaves almost half of the cheese into his plate and eats sloppily.

“You have not eaten either..?” He says, and McCree scratches his beard again. He’s embarrassed again. 

“I...was very worried,”

Hanzo is still. At that moment, his chest aches, and he swallows his food thickly. He realizes what he feels around McCree.

He has a crush on him.

A grown man like Hanzo, has a crush on McCree.

Of course he had noticed that the man was attractive. He was not blind. His eyes are soft, his hands are gentle, and his laugh is lovely.

But this was different.

Hanzo stares at the plate of food as McCree eats in front of him, and realizes that McCree has grown on him very quickly.

“You alright?”   
“I… I am fine,” He smiles softly, and shakes his head.

But he thinks about McCree’s smile when Genji is with him. How he acts around his brother, and how he wishes to be around him.

Quickly, he squashes those feelings away. No need for those.

“You want to watch some cartoons? It’ll make you feel better, I promise,”

Hanzo shakes his head gently, finishing his food and setting his plate in the sink. He’ll wash that later.

Hanzo sits in the sofa with McCree, leaning against the soft pillows on the sofa, full of food and warm tea, and he cuddles against the large knitted blanket. McCree’s warm leg is pressed against his, and his laughter bubbles a feeling in his chest.

Ignore that, Hanzo thinks to himself.

But as McCree tucks in the blanket into him as he starts falling asleep, and turns down the volume so he could stay with him out here, he feels the feeling bubble into a large glow down his fingertips.

It’s not a bad feeling. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry if this chapter isn't the best. I struggled a bit with it, and tried my best, but i still am not really happy with it.  
> I really do apologize. I'll try harder in the next fanfic, i swear! ;A;   
> it's suppose to be slow burn, and i promise it is because it takes forever for them to actually date, but like sometimes feelings happen!!!  
> (you can follow me on twitter and tumblr as Rockitsuu!!)  
> Also, I am thinking of doing this into a series of fanfics with Gencio and a couple more ships :D if anyone is looking forward to that!  
> Let me figure out the name for the series and get this to at least chapter 7 and then ill throw my shitty fanfics at you my friends  
> (also thank you for any messages and comments!!! it's so wonderful )

“Are you feeling better today?”

Genji’s voice floats above the soft music played on the old record player. McCree had set it out into the room, since Hanzo had mentioned that he wanted to use it when he saw it in his bedroom two days ago. He missed this, and even though this thing was ancient, it played the music softly and as if brand new. The records organized in the cubby were old and country, but he liked them.

“I do feel better. Thank you for asking,” Genji smiled, his clothes covering the mechanical parts of himself. Genji sets himself on the sofa, sliding next to Hanzo.

Hanzo stiffens. Closeness was still too much. But he was starved for affection, missing his brother so much.

“Hanzo… Hanzo, dear brother,” Genji sighed and cuddled up to him, tucking his legs under his chin and gripping his close. Hanzo was stiff, but the affection brought out from his brother. His hand floated above Genji’s shoulder, but then he hugged him. Gripping him tight, Genji almost purred in his brother’s arms.

“I missed you, Genji. I missed you so much,” He whispered softly, Genji made a small noise, it sounding like a sucking noise through his metal jaw. Hanzo does not say anything about the water that drops onto his shirt.

They hold each other like that for a while, Genji falling asleep in his chest, making Hanzo smile at him. The music is soft, filling the room and leaving him in a small daze. Happiness set down deep in his belly, and he smiled, putting his face in Genji’s soft hair. 

There was a small whine, and he turned to look at Ellie, who whimpered softly at being left out. Rolling his eyes, he shifted Genji so he slept on his thigh, and pat his lap, letting Ellie jump in and get comfortable.

 

* * *

 

“I will be back. Please make sure to feed the girls, or they will complain,” McCree slung a duffel bag over his shoulder. The rain is gentle as he gets ready, and both Hanzo and Genji are baking food.

“Please be safe,” Genji said gently, handing him a small box filled with treats him and Hanzo had baked. McCree sets his hand on his chest, smiling wide and thanking both of them. He waves, and then turns to Hanzo.

“I did not know if Hanzo told you, but we will be having some of the new Overwatch team coming. They need some debriefing so if they show up, please show them to the bigger guest room. They’ll figure out where to sleep,” McCree shook his hand at him, laughing and walking towards the door.

Closing it, McCree is now gone. Gone for how long, Hanzo does not know. But it gives him time to figure out what exactly he feels for the man.

“So. Brother,” He turns to him, setting down a knife and washing his hands from the uncooked fish. “You are meeting Lucio in a couple of days,” 

Hanzo stills, turning to him and raising an eyebrow. What Genji had told him about his boyfriend has been nothing but good. Lucio was literally the epitome of sunshine, in Genji’s own words. 

“Who else is coming?”

“Brigitte Lindholm, Hana Song, Yuna Lee and my Master!” Genji smiles gently, taking a sip of his water bottle, he puts his fake hand on his cheek. His eyes are bright and he tucks his legs underneath his chin.

“Yuna Lee?” Hanzo says, dripping miso into the bowl and then putting some noodles and meat in there. He set down the soup into the bowl, and then set the table. Genji pulled out some chopsticks from McCree’s cutlery, surprising Hanzo that he had some.

“Hana’s friend. She’s part of the MEKA group, and she and Hana have been thinking about joining Overwatch,” Genji dipped his spoon into the bowl, slurping loudly, and making Hanzo’s eyebrow twitch angrily.

“Ah, Brigitte?”

“Torbjorn’s daughter and Reinhardt’s squire. Lovely girl. She could break me,” Hanzo made a little ha noise and Genji smirked. 

“I did not know that she was joining,”

“Well, she is. Reinhardt is proud of her but Torbjorn at times can be upset,” He hums softly, and they eat quietly. The rain is soft, not loud enough to bother, but the noise is a nice white noise. It calms his fretting nerves, and he is enjoying the day.

Ellie sits at the end of the sofa, and Hanzo whistles at her. He hands her a piece of pork, and she basically trips over herself to go towards him. Laughing gently, he runs his fingers through the long golden fur she has, and he kisses her head.

A message noise pops up on his phone. He stares at it for a second, then notices a small “Hi” from an unknown number.

But he recognizes the two last ones. It is from the woman, Abigail, and he tries not to feel embarrassed. He doesn’t want to look at his phone. He can probably just ignore it, and never have to deal with it again.

“Oh no. I know that look. Do not just block her--” Genji hissed under his breath, taking the phone and opening it. Of course Hanzo would still have the basic 1111 password.

“GENJI! DO NOT!”   
“She is my friend! Do not play with her!” Genji puts his foot in Hanzo’s face as he jumps across the table, growling as he swung, trying to grab his phone from him. Genji yelled at him in Japanese, Hanzo replying quickly.

“SHE LIKES YOU!”

“AND??”   
“AND YOU’RE LONELY, JUST TALK TO HER!” Genji got pinned underneath Hanzo’s leg, grunting angrily and hissing at him as he pulled the phone away from Genji. He paused, staring at Genji’s head, glaring.

They were quiet, and then he sighed.

“Am I?”   
“Yeah. You are,” He said, and groaned as Hanzo got off him. Staring at his phone, he swallowed and then turned to Genji.

He couldn’t tell him that the person that was growing on his affection was not the cute and lovely girl named Abigail. With the large eyes, and slightly chubby face. No it was not her.

It was McCree with the large hands, and kind eyes, and soft words. God how does he even begin to get over someone like McCree. It had only been two days, but Hanzo felt like he had he had known him for years.

How strange it was.

But he could try it. He could try to talk to Abigail, maybe begin to move on in his life. To finally get the grounds he wasn’t allowed to when he was a teenager.

Ah, how he wished he could’ve had all the good times of being a teenager. Of being able to drink, to party. To date, to have sex.

He could count on his hand how many people he had kissed and how many sexual partners he’s had, but they’ve all been under the yakuza reign. They were chosen for him, they were pampered people with only the idea of money.

After that, the people he has encountered and given his time have been quick touches. Just someone who he didn’t remember, who he didn’t care about.

“Do you think I should…?” He says softly, and stares at his phone. The message, as from what he can tell, seems nervous.

She was… shy. He expected it.

“Come on. Even if it does not work out, she is sweet and you’ll have fun,” Genji sits up on the ground, crossing his legs. Ellie comes, licks his cheek, and sets down on his thigh.

Hanzo agrees. He opens the message, sends her a quick “Hello, how are you?” and waits for the message back.

“You’ll be fine, brother.”

 

* * *

  
  


“They’re here!”

Hanzo opens his eyes from his nap, sitting up, and seeing Ellie wiggle at him. She always gets excited when she sees people, and now that she can smell more than one person coming up, she’s a complete mess.

He rolls his eyes at her, and tries to straighten his shirt so it doesn’t look like he was sleeping all afternoon. Now that he is somewhere where he is safe and warm, he is indulging in his cat like habit.

Naps.

“GENJI!” A shrill voice meets Hanzo’s ears, and as Genji throws open the door, a tiny girl launches herself into his arms. Genji laughs softly, clutching the girl tightly and letting out a gentle sigh.

“Hana, you managed to come. Yuna said that you weren’t sure if you could,” Genji kisses the girls head, humming as she basically purrs.

In his eyes there’s a soft warmth that makes Hanzo a little bit jealous. 

Just a tiny bit.

Quickly, Genji is surrounded by two more bubbling girls, and an omnic, who floats behind all of them, gently waving at him. He doesn’t seem to touch the ground, instead floating on… something.

The gaggle of teenage girls literally run Genji over, talking over themselves and telling them how much they missed him. Behind all of them, though, a short man with dark skin stares in a very loving way.   
“Hey babe,” 

Genji is laughing loudly, but Hanzo sees that look. The look of absolute adoration that Genji has in his eyes is almost nauseating. The girls finally stop giggling and cuddling him and pick him up.

One of the girls is almost a foot taller than Genji, and Hanzo swallows at a feeling of being emasculated, but only briefly. Her arms are about his size and her face is a gorgeous pixie like face.

“Lucio… you came,” Genji went in to grab Lucio’s hand, gently pressing a soft kiss to the man’s knuckles. The younger man purred softly, pressing into Genji’s chest and sighing in content. 

“Aw, you too are too much,” Hana said gently, and the darker haired one, Yuna, popped her bright blue gum and rolled her eyes at them.

“Gross,” Both her and Hana shared the same accent, but she was much taller. Also, she dressed more punkishly, her eyes heavy with blue eyeliner, her hair over the left of her eye, and heavy combat boots matching a ripped up leather jacket.

Impressed, Hanzo stood up and went to present himself.

“Ah, you must be Hanzo,” The omnic stopped floating, gently putting down his feet and walking towards him. His voice was sweet and calm, the soft buzzing at the edges signifying his voice box might be of an old model. There are scratches covering the surface of his plating, and he smiles at him.

“I am, yes,”

A lot of eyes suddenly turned to him, and he felt all of his being turn cold. They weren’t nice looks, not unlike McCree’s soft gaze when he first met him. Of course, McCree was a man that has been through his position

Lucio’s eyes were the coldest. For such a short man, Hanzo suddenly felt very intimidated and very small. He swallowed down embarrassment and resentment towards these newer adults

Of course they had heard what he’d done. They love Genji, it would make sense as to why they hate him, and why they would have a problem with him even being here.

“So you’re the Hanzo everyone is talking about,” Yuna pops her bright blue bubble gum, her fingers quickly flying over a large holopad, typing away at some Twitter post or something. Hana crosses her arms and glares at him.

“Did you finally listen to Genji and come for your redemption?”

Hana is smacked in the arm by Yuna, and Lucio is the one to step forward. Hanzo wants to back away, the urge to not look at Lucio is incredibly powerful, but he stands down. His dragons hiss, but they are intimidated as well.

How the hell did Genji manage to find someone like Lucio, and somehow, manage to make him fall in love with him?

“Lucio-chii, don’t--” Genji is about to say something, but the shorter man puts up his hand and glares at him. Turning to Hanzo, he sighs.   
“I have not heard good things about you,”

“I understand why. I will not try to explain myself, if that is what you’re expecting from me--”

“I am not,” Lucio says gently. His voice doesn’t waver from a soft spoken tone. It was much scarier than him yelling at Hanzo. Or punching him, or doing anything but staring at him like that.

“Good. Then I only ask… To take care of my brother. I couldn’t, and both you and McCree have been the best things to my brother when I was not. I know that appearing now, now when he is happy, can be something that will damage that happiness.

“But understand that I am a different man now. I want to be what my brother wants. I want to be the brother that I wasn’t allowed to be,”

Hanzo says, trying to keep the knot out of his throat as he speaks. He stares at Lucio, who’s eyes grow warm, and the knit in his brow untightens. The man then trails his hand to Hanzo’s arm, as he was picking at his tattoo, and then stares intently at ….

Lucio’s eyes blink, and then he walks towards Hanzo. Gently, the man pulls Hanzo into an embrace, holding him tight and making Hanzo let out a squeak.

A very unmanly squeak.

“I believe you,” He whispers softly and Hanzo tries to not let his hands shake as hard as they are. He bites his lip and tears spill over his cheeks.

The warmth from Lucio is like touching the sun. His voice is soft, his hands gentle and calloused. He smells like hair conditioner, and cologne, but it’s not permeating or engulfing.

As he pulls back, he gives Hanzo the warmest smile he’s seen in years. He suddenly understands why Icarus flew so close to the sun.

The search for warmth after the cold of his life is starting to melt the walls that he had put up. He had never expected them to be broke down by people who are nothing but kind to him.

“Come on. Tell me about yourself, Hanzo,”

Lucio grins as Genji puts his hand on Lucio’s shoulder. Hana looks a little peeved, but she sighs and sits down on the sofa beside Hanzo.

“If Lucio got to like you, then maybe I can too, old man,”

“Respect your elders,” Yuna pops her gum louder, and she walks to Hanzo, putting her hand on her stomach and bending slightly. Hanzo follows suit, grinning at her as she studies his tattoos and the metal in his face.

“Nice,” She shakes her head, sitting beside Hana, crossing her leg elegantly. Brigitte quickly comes up to him, taking him in and smiling wide.

“I would love to hear how you take care of your bow. I have seen some of the schematics and am very interested in taking it for a test run--” Brigitte keeps talking, yapping on about weapons and then to his prosthetics. He thinks Zenyatta notices the glazed over look in his eye, because he gently puts his hand on Brigitte’s shoulder.

The taller woman blushes red, and Hanzo smiles at her embarrassment. She stares at Zenyatta a little longer and then giggles to herself.   
“Sorry. Got ahead of myself,” 

Zenyatta puts a hand to his chest, and he gently smiles at Hanzo.   
“It is a pleasure to finally meet you,”

* * *

 

 

Hanzo and Genji had made enough food for 4 more people. What they did not expect was Brigitte to eat so much.

She blushed red and she mentioned this to Hanzo, seeing as that she didn’t want to be rude about what they cooked. 

“I will make you more food, do not fret,” He laughed gently as she rubbed the back of her neck, her face bright red. 

“I did not mean to sound rude. I just don’t want to eat everything on my plate and then go for seconds without letting people eat first. I thought McCree would’ve told you that i’m a weightlifter,”

Hanzo shook his head, setting up a woke and more ingredients to a pot. He did not mind making more food, as it had been years since he ever even had someone to make food for.

“Sit down. It’ll be a little longer, but I will get you more food,”

She smiled brightly, and sat down at the table. The two other girls were chatting in Korean, along with Zenyatta, who occasionally let out a small whirring sound to signify his giggle. Both Genji and Lucio had gone to the back once the rain stopped, cuddled close on McCree’s patio chairs, Lucio pressing his face against Genji’s heated mainframe.

They spoke in hushed tones, occasionally Genji giving Lucio kisses on his head, and Lucio gently laughing and cuddling him closer.

“They hadn’t seen each other for a couple of months. After you came back, Genji went to find you and Lucio agreed to stay on base,” Hana said, filling her cup with a bright red Kool Aid, sipping gently. Brigitte agreed, shaking her head and nibbling on a small sandwich.

“Lucio was upset the entire time. He really loves Genji,”

“How long have they been together?” Hanzo set down two plates, as he had not eaten either. Brigitte helped the silverware, and picking up the plates that the other girls had used.

“6 months, give or take?” Hana shook her head as Zenyatta gently said. The recall had already been six months…

Six months since Genji decided to talk to him again.

“Was Lucio any influence on Genji talking to me again?” He turned to Zenyatta, who put on gloves and began to wash dishes. He floated on his anti grav his legs folded as he cleaned up.

“He was. He was insistent that he speak to you, saying that it had been long enough. That he was putting it off,” He says gently, and Hanzo sighs, putting down the food and smiling as Brigitte immediately dug in. 

Ellie sat on Hanzo’s feet, licking his ankles, nipping at his socks. Laughing gently, he pets her and gives her some of his food.

“I did not know that he would be the one to do that. He didn’t really seem interested in me at first,” Hanzo gently ate his food, coaxing Hana to eat more of her food. She frowned at him, as she probably figured out that he saw her carefully measuring what she was eating.

“He wasn’t. It’s just that he knew that whatever happened between you two was a chapter that he needed to close. Of course that meant letting him go for a while, but he believed in him returning,” Zenyatta finished the dishes, letting out a soft whirr that reminded Hanzo of a laugh.

Outside, the sun started to shine brighter that the last couple of rainy days. The clouds were still heavy and grey, but the sky was a surprising bright blue. The rays of the sun that came in through the floor to ceiling window bared on his back, warming his cold back and bringing a gentle blossoming warmth in his chest.

They were quiet after that

Lucio and Genji’s low hummed voices is the only thing that interrupts the soft chirps of the birds, and the calls of the frogs around the river. Hana and Yuna both sit at a small loveseat, Yuna draped on Hana’s lap, and the pink wearing girl popping a large blue bubble.

Hanzo sits at the largest sofa, the softest one he thinks, letting Ellie gently lick his hand and enjoy the scratches he gives her. Zenyatta and Brigitte had pulled out an old chess set from McCree’s drawers, playing quietly in the middle of the living room.

The feeling of taking a deep breath right before something amazing happens starts to sit on his belly. The feeling of going to sink into hot water after a long day, the feeling of finally getting home and taking off your shoes, your coat. It’s warm, and it’s good and it’s something that Hanzo wasn’t ever sure that he was allowed to have.

Yet here it was. In Zenyatta, in Lucio, in his brother. Willing to give him a chance. A new life. A meaning to whatever life he’s meant after so much pain.

Hanzo smiles.

  
  


* * *

 

“When is your date?”

Genji wraps a bandage around his real arm, wincing as Brigitte stares intently. She’s very upset that she somehow managed to almost break his wrist, insisting that she thought both of his arms were fake, or else she wouldn’t have pushed so much of her strength into disarming him.

The training has gone well. Hana was quickly picking up on new techniques, though she didn’t need more training as she had been trained before. But it always helped to have a fresh set of eyes on how to fight.

Brigitte, though good with hand to hand combat and heavy fighting, was a terrible shot. She was trying her best, she honestly was, but Hanzo was thinking of starting her off smaller. Maybe training her reflexes, and going from there.

“A date? Old man like you has someone interested in them?”

Yuna hissed at Hana, quickly chittering at her about respecting her elders in Korean. Hanzo smiled, not at all angered by Hana’s words. A certain familiarity came from Hana’s words, someone that had bright green hair and terrible taste in footwear.

“Ah yes. I unfortunately have tricked a beautiful maiden into picking me up for dinner today. How dare she try to slay this old Dragon, I must now consume her heart,” He puts a hand to his face and dramatically falls back, laughing as Hana burns red at his theatrics.

Yuna pops a bubble, grinning wide at Hanzo.

“Who is she?”   
“You got a pic?”

“Yeah, hold up,” Hanzo pulls out his phone, searching through Abigail’s profile. He finds a cute picture of her, and turns it to them. 

He likes that picture of her. Deep dimples showing off a round face, her bright red lips coated in shiny glitter, and her red hair falling majestically over the side of her shoulder.

Yuna and Hana both have their mouths wide open. Lucio looks over, whistles and then pushes Genji’s shoulder.

“Hey, your brother has good taste,” 

Genji rolls his eyes, and takes the phone, going through some of her pictures. Some, she’s in the gym working out, and Brigitte raises her eyebrows, impressed by her weights.

“Not bad. She could use some core training,”

Hana gasps, turning to Brigitte and smacking her thigh. 

“Are you calling her fat?”

It is obvious that Abigail isn’t the thinnest girl. Brigitte almost trips over her words, trying to explain that some of her positions are wrong, and that the way she’s holding herself might hurt her later on, but Hana is already listing off things about how terrible of a person she is.

Jokingly, of course.

“I will tell her that you are concerned for some of her lifting strategies. I promise I will also make it sound nicer,” Hanzo laughed as Brigitte tucked herself into a corner of the sofa, covering her face and groaning.

“I… am so sorry,” 

Zenyatta laughed gently, patting her thigh and turning to Hanzo.

“Is she coming here?”   
“Yeah. I asked her to come to pick me up. Since, you know, for the time being I do not have a vehicle,”

“How uncool, brother,”

“Hey, I offered a taxi, but she just said she has a truck,” Hanzo set down cups, motioning to Zenyatta to start boiling water. He obliged, standing up and heading to the kitchen.

“Well, at least you offered. My first date was terrible. The guy left me stranded on make out point after he found someone much cuter than I was,”

Brigitte laughed gently, putting her hand on her cheek and talking about that memory like it was a fond one. Everyone in the room stared intently at her, their faces concerned.   
“Excuse me?” 

Yuna turned to Hana, her eyes wide. Her mouth was open in a half chewed motion, and Brigitte shrugged.

“Yeah? He said I was too tall and too big for him, so he flirted with the waitress the entire time and when we went to make out point, he just left me there. I had to hitch a ride with some dude from High School who was a little too drunk, but he was my only ride,”

Hanzo tried not to make a face, but Genji, on the other hand, looked absolutely shocked.

“He did what?”

“Please do not tell me that that is the only experience you’ve had--” Hana asked, leaning forward to look at Brigitte

“Well, not it wasn’t the _worst_ \--”

“IT WASN’T THE WORST!?”

There was a whole bunch of random yells as they all tackled Brigitte into a group hug. She stiffened, her eyes wide and staring intently at both Hanzo and Zenyatta, who set out the tea, both humming in acknowledgment of her predicament, but not doing anything to help her out.

“If you are upset at those being your only experience, I can take you somewhere nice, and treat you to a date,” Zenyatta said gently, his lights flashing to a soft pink then back to white. Hanzo knit his brows, turning to Brigitte, who’s face was starting to flush pink.

Everyone besides Hanzo, Zenyatta and Brigitte all seemed to take that as a wonderful and thoughtful friendly idea. Telling her that the best experience would be with someone who was her friend, and who was as kind as Zenyatta would teach her what to expect.

What they didn’t see was Brigitte’s freckles almost glowing as she blushed, pushing her hair back and the tiny shake in Zenyatta’s hands as he set down the tea set down on the table.

Hanzo felt like he had violated an intimate moment between the two, but was touched that he was one of the only ones with a rational head to see the softness in both of them.

Hanzo coughed into his hand, making Brigitte and Zenyatta break eye contact, looking over to their friends and ignoring that moment. Ignoring that Hanzo had seen that.

They actually didn’t noticed, or just did not care. He doesn’t know.

The group was talkative, talking to Brigitte, and throwing everyone questions, and comments. Hanzo doesn’t understand. They were closer than they were to Hanzo, something that was brought with them here.

He says nothing as he drinks his tea, staring at the table. The sky is starting to darken, and there’s a sound of a riggedy old truck parking in the parking lot. He smiles gently, standing up and brushing away any dirt and grime from his pants. 

Going to the door, he stared out to the woman who he was going to go on a date with. She nervously brushed her hands through her hair, her cute face only lightly brushed with makeup and lipstick.

The black dress glittered gently under the setting sun and Hanzo smiled softly, opening the door and walking towards her. He tried to dress well so it wasn’t too overboard. A nice shirt, nice slacks.

“You came,” He said gently, putting his hand on his chest and smiling at her. She blushed red, her fingers curling into her soft black dress, looking down.

She was gorgeous.

“Of course I came. No one has asked me out in months,”

She laughs, but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. Hanzo takes her hand, kisses the knuckles gently and smiles.

Abigail blinks at the house, blushing red as Hanzo turned around. 5 different faces hide from Hanzo’s glare, and he groans softly, putting his hand to head.

“I apologize. They are interested in my love life,” 

She smiles softly, as he opens the door to her truck, urging her back into her seat. She blushes red, and laughs at him.

“Such a gentle man,”

“Thank you, again for being okay with picking me up,” He laughs, embarrassed that he wasn’t the type of person to go and pick up their date. He didn’t have a car here, so if he did it would probably be a very expensive car, a wonderful date set to beautiful music and candles.

That would’ve been nice.

“Oh hun, don’t worry. Just pay for the date,” She winks, and they smile. Her face is cute, soft and round, and he is very intrigued at her idea of fun. Maybe he will enjoy this night.

  
  


* * *

 

She has a younger brother. Her mother had unfortunately passed after him, and she was stuck with her dad raising a little kid with him. It was an unfortunate side effect of her father working so much, but every day he celebrated her, telling her how thankful he was.

He was a bit jealous that her father loved her so much. To be able to feel so much care.

Abigail is very lovely. Her voice is gentle, her face soft. She’s somehwat shy, and kind, and just an overall wonder.

But Hanzo isn’t feeling a spark.

Don’t get him wrong, she is very fun. Her jokes make him absolutely lose it, not being able to hold his water or his snorts. 

McCree sends him a message. And suddenly he is angry at himself that he is in the company of a lovely and beautiful woman who is very much interested, as he notices she’s playing footsie with him, and somehow…

He is thinking of someone else.

The restaurant is Italian. There’s an omnic butler, and old design etched into his plating. His voice is chirpy, and he’s kind. The cook is a small woman, rotund in the face and shape, and he leaves a hefty tip for both of them. 

The sky is a chilly color of blue, the sun starting to set and Abigail’s heels click as she walks down the street. There’s a vendor with deep fried… twinkies. She gave into the want of sweets, sharing one with Hanzo.

“You are thinking of someone else,”

Hanzo freezes. His eyes are wide and he turns to her. She doesn’t look angry, or even sad. Just understanding.

“I--”

“Do not think I noticed how you changed after that message. Jack, I know that love struck look anywhere,” She crosses her arms, and he sighs, taking out a napkin and gently rubbing it on her lip, as some powder managed to get on her lipstick.

“I did not wish to ruin your night,”

“You did no such thing. I can see that you legitimately liked this night. I just understand that you like someone else. Has it been a while for you too?” Her voice is gentle, unaccusing. Shaking his head, he turns to look at a small fair. 

“It has. You are… such a wonderful person, Abby. I am thankful that you enjoyed your night and that you even got me out of the house,” Smiling, he throws away the stick that came with the sweet. Abigail smiles gently, taking his hand and bringing him in to kiss him on the cheek.

“No, hun. Thank you for asking me. Someone as handsome as you never even gave me the time of day, much less enjoyed their time with me,”

“Why? You are a great person. And also, a wonderful storyteller,”

Her face falls. There’s a dark look in her face, the shadows persistent on her gentle features. Suddenly, she seems wiser and much older than her age.

“Darling, you haven’t really looked at me, have you?”

Hanzo knits his brows, staring at her. She doesn’t say anything, and walks towards the trash can, throwing away her food. She’s silent, and Hanzo doesn’t understand, but then it clicks.

Ah.

Her height. Her soft pitch in voice.

“That has nothing to do with how you are, though,”

“People don’t really want to see you on the inside when you look like I do,” 

They are silent. 

The noise of the fair starts getting louder, and he winces as he starts getting a headache. But he’s determined to make her night better, after completely ruining the moment.

“Come. I’ll win you a giant stuffed panda,”

“Archery? Those are rigged you know--”

 

* * *

 

Hanzo has a wonderful night. Abigail helped him feel a lot better than he used to feel, getting his mind away from his life. Making him feel normal for at least a night.

Abigail is wearing his jacket, sitting on the hood of the truck, cuddling a giant panda that Hanzo won for her. She had almost cried when he handed it to her, and he had only swelled in pride, grinning at the shocked look on the man’s face.

“You know, when you first texted me to go out, I thought you were joking,”

“Hm. I do not say things without intention. I liked you, and you seemed interested, so I did what is typically done when someone likes a very beautiful woman,” He smiles as she blushes again. She has a beer in her hand, and she sips quietly.

“Thank you. For taking me out, even though you’re not interested romantically,”   
He frowns, and turns to her. Her cheeks are red and she smiles back at him.

“I had fun. Do not mistake that,”   
“I am not. I promise,” She giggles, and puts her foot against his leg, brushing it against his fancy pants. There’s a flush on his cheeks, and he looks away.

“Aw, shy now?”   
“I… It has been a while,”   
“Darling, your cheek bones can cut a man, and yet you haven’t gotten someone to even kiss you in years. Man. I must’ve done something right to have such a handsome man under my spell,”

Throwing her head back, she laughs as Hanzo stutters. He chugs on his beer, looking down at the ground.

“You are very wonderful. If only... “ He stares up at the sky. There’s a breeze that makes her shiver, and he scoots closer. The alcohol is heavy on his mouth and she is such a wonderful girl.

“Come inside. Please,”   
She presses close to him, and Hanzo melts. She’s kind, she’s sweet…   
“I… I don’t wish to use you like this,” He gently says, and her pretty eyes stare at his face. She smiles and shakes her head.

“You won’t. I promise. This’ll just help me with my rut. And with yours apparently,” Laughing, she puts her fingers on his chest, running over the tight fabric. Her long red hair smells like strawberries, and he closes his eyes.

“I do not want to hurt you,”

“You won’t. You ain’t a bad person,hun. Just do me a little favor. Just that,”

He gives in, kissing her gently. Her skin is soft. She wants him. Wants who he is.

“You ain’t a bad person”

He really hopes he isn’t.

 

* * *

 

“You didn’t--”

Hanzo opens the door to McCree’s home, grunting as Genji jumps off of the sofa, his eyes wide. It was the next day, and Hanzo finally came home.

His hair was disheveled, his shirt misbuttoned and a very obvious red mark on the inside of his neck. He feels light, and the little hearts in his phone tell him that he did not do as bad as a job as he thought he did.

“YOU DIDN’T!”

“Please… hush,”

Genji jumped up and down, making a loud “AHHHHH!!” noise. He laughed loudly, shaking Hanzo and slapping his back.

Lucio looked at him from across the room, grinning wide at him.   
“Apparently there isn’t only one playboy in this family,” Hanzo shrugged Genji’s hand off, blushing red. The entirety of his face was just bright, and he coughed into his hand.   
“It was very nice. She was wonderful, and gentle, and sweet, and--”   
Genji grinned, and then sighed at him. 

“I’m proud of you. You got out there, and you had a nice night. Second date?”   
“Not right now. She says that she was just… trying to get out there,”   
Genji threw up his hands up dramatically. 

“What???”

“We did not have a bad night, and we didn’t separate on bad terms. Do not think it’s a bad thing, brother,” He sits down, boiling water for himself and sighing as he opens up leftovers from Genji’s dinner last night. He doesn’t say anything, just seeing Genji stick his hands under his chin, waiting with a little look in his face.

“So?”

“So what?”

“Tell me about it. Tell me, come on,”

“I don’t kiss and tell,”

Hanzo stares down at the food, his face turning redder and not wanting to talk about it. He just had a nice night with a nice woman and a lovely date and--

“TELL ME!”

“Will you quit!!”

Hanzo glared at him and Genji started smacking his arm, and making a loud noise, wanting him to talk but Hanzo hissed back at him, smacking at him back, both of them yelling and trying to out slap the other one.

Lucio was laughing so hard he couldn’t sit on the sofa. He fell onto the ground laughing as Hanzo turned to the sink, angrily putting away his cups.   
“Leave me be. I had a good time with her--”

“A very good time apparently,”

Hanzo choked on his spit and he turned to Genji, throwing suds at him, and groaning.

“Will you quit,”

“I’m proud of you Hanzo. At least you got out of the house,”

He stares down at the sink, scrubbing his plate and sighing. It had been a while since he had that much fun. He thinks of what he missed in his 20’s, of what he missed when he was younger.

There’s a soft bitterness in the back of his head, and he’s trying to shake it off. Of course he’d think about that now.  Now that he’s starting to feel happy, to move on from all the things he was forced to do.

Sighing, he puts the plates away, staring out the window. Zenyatta floats in the middle of the lawn, his floating bells circling around him. Ellie jumps up and down, trying to nip at the bells, making Zenyatta blink his lights in amusement.

Brigitte is chopping more wood, and Hanzo refuses to admit the intimidation at seeing her flex. Zenyatta hands her a handkerchief, making her smile and dab at her face.

Yuna has her legs in the pond that McCree had made last year. He had mentioned that Ellie had an obsession with fish, and he pampered her with making one. It took him almost three months, but Ellie stopped pestering his tiny little fish in the room.

Hana is eating a sandwich, throwing fish food when she saw them come to nibble at her toes. She smiled, her mouth full of food and some sauce coming out of her mouth. Yuna makes a face, but hands her a napkin, grunting and probably telling her off in Korean.

Hanzo doesn’t want to deny the feeling of warmth that takes over his chest. Putting his hands on the sink, he tries to hold back tears at the feeling of being complete.

It’s not a feeling he wants to reject. So he doesn’t. He lets it wash over him, and he smiles to himself, finishing the dishes and pulling out a large serving platter, setting a couple of cups and pouring some homemade lemonade into it. He walks to the back, and calls out to the girls, who scramble to go grab some drinks.

“Aw yeah, thanks old man!”

He puts his hand on Hana’s head, gently smiling and enjoying the way she downs it like it’s nothing.

“You’re welcome,”

He’ll be happy here.

 

* * *

 

“McCree is coming home right now. He says he has a surprise for me,” Genji grins at his message, typing back in a quick succession.

Lucio and him cuddle on the recliner, Genji sitting in Lucio’s lap and tucking himself underneath the man’s chin. Lucio hums softly, running his fingers over the man’s arm, and raising an eyebrow.

“I wonder what it is?”   
“Probably a stupid cactus. Him and his obsession with those things,”   
Hanzo sits seiza on the ground, cleaning his bow. He’s been noticing that there’s a bit of break in his bow from Hana trying to use it. He will fix that later, but right now he is angry that he let it get to this. 

Hana was gently yelling when she found out she broke it. But Hanzo had assured her that it was because of its disuse. Usually he would make sure to check it to see if there were any tics or breaks, but he lagged on that.

“He’s been gone for almost 2 weeks. I hope he’s alright,” Hanzo said, petting Ellie as she was starting to get slower. She was nesting and cuddling Hanzo more at night, and he was glad that McCree was going to be here when Ellie gave birth.

There’s a thundering sound outside, and Hanzo knits his brows. He puts down his bow, watching Hana and Yuna bounce off the loveseat, going to the window and looking out.

“Sweet! He has a motorcycle!”

Genji raised his eyebrows, slipping out of Lucio’s arms, much to his discontent.

“A motorcycle? How the fuck--”

McCree walks up to the door, gasping as Yuna and Hana launch themselves into his arms. They giggle and hug him, making him smile wide, gripping the girls tightly and sighing.

“Look at you cutie pies. How are you?” He kisses Yuna’s head and grips Hana close. Both of them laugh and pinch at his cheeks.   
“How are you Cowboy?” Yuna raises her brow at him, pulling back and punching his arm. He walks inside and laughs gently.

“I’m good. I was going to talk to Genji, I have to tell him something,”   
“What do you want, Jesse?”

Genji crosses his arms and stares at McCree, who takes off his hat and smiles at him. It’s that look again, Hanzo thinks as McCree smiles at him.

“I just wanted to talk to you hun--”

“Oh that reminds me! McCree this is Lucio! My boyfriend!”

Hanzo sees the look of pain that crosses McCree’s face. He sees it. He doesn’t want to admit that that look hurt Hanzo too, but it does.

“Your… boyfriend?”

McCree turns to look at Lucio, who bounces to him and grins. McCree was quiet, the brightness he had turned small and weak. He grows quiet, and Hanzo is pained by that.

“You know, Genji told me he had a cowboy friend, but I didn’t take him seriously,”

He laughs and McCree gives him a small smile. He shakes his hand, and puts his hat back on his head.

“It’s nice to meet ya,”   
“Nice to meet you too, cowboy,”

McCree is quiet for the night. Hanzo is sure that Genji notices, and he tries to talk to McCree, but he only laughs it off. He says that he’ll get him his surprise later. He had accidently forgotten it somewhere, and he’ll figure out another thing to give him.

Brigitte is the first to go to sleep. She had been working on some of her shooting with Hanzo, and tired herself out by concentrating and tiring her arms out.

Slowly, everyone starts to clear out to sleep. Genji and Lucio both go to Genji’s room, giggling and laughing at something Yuna had said. Zenyatta powers down in the shared bedroom with the girls, Ellie sleeping on his lap.

Hanzo and McCree both sit outside, the bench cold underneath him, and the bite of the wind is nice after a hot day.   
“You do not like Lucio,”

McCree spits out his coffee, coughing as he gets shocked from Hanzo’s comment. He turns to look at him, blushing.

“I.. I did not--”   
“Then why did you make that face,”

Hanzo says gently, sipping on his tea and turning to look at McCree. The man looks away, staring at the lawn.   
“He is a wonderful man. He’s sweet, he’s kind--”   
“He’s like looking at the sun?” Hanzo smiles gently, and McCree covers his face, laughing gently.

“Yeah, yeah. He’s like the sun. Genji did get lucky with that cutie pie,”

“Then what is it?”

McCree’s face falls. He looks up at the sky, his eyes going distant for a second. Turning to Hanzo, his eye glows a little red.

How strange.

“I just… I thought that I loved Genji. I did. But… Damn it. I don’t think that it’s that anymore. Fuck, Hanzo i’ve been so damn lonely for the last couple years. I had been thinking about people I loved and cared about, and Genji has always been there for me.

“I thought that what I wanted was Genji. That what I wanted was him and to love him, but god damn it I think i’m wrong Hanzo. I just… decided to make all that damn loneliness into fucking affection for the closest person to me, and that was Genji. I don’t want to ruin anything with him, and definitely don’t want to fuck shit up with Lucio,”

He rubs his fingers on his eyes, and groans loudly. Hanzo puts his hand on his shoulder, and squeezes.

“I just. I was so sure of it. I was so sure of how I felt, and what I wanted, but… I saw Lucio and I just. I was so happy for Genji. I was so happy for him, and I love him and I know he’s great.  And now i’m just confused,”

McCree stares up at the sky, and Hanzo smiles at him. He feels the soft affection he has for him grow. The urge to take care of him is incredibly big, but he doesn’t reach out. His hands twitches to hold him, but he doesn’t.

“Jesse…” McCree’s eyebrows raise, and Hanzo sighs.

“Your feelings can be confused. I know that. I know what it’s like to be lonely. To want to talk to people, to want to hold someone and have affection. I, too, have been on the run. 

“It’s… difficult. It’s hard. It’s confusing and it makes you confused because it starts to move your emotions into things that you have to unravel and make you scared to want things,”

Hanzo runs his hands over his palms, his eyes sad.

McCree sits up, turning to Hanzo, and staring at him with something in his eyes. They’re soft, and he lids them a little. He looks sleepy and understanding, and Hanzo smiles at him.

“It’s okay to not understand things. It’s okay not to understand yourself,”

Somehow, the way that Hanzo says that makes it sound as if he’s trying to reassure himself. As if he’s trying to give himself that talk to.   
“You deserve someone who will understand. Someone who you’re sure about. Someone who doesn’t make you confused, or that your brain tries to tell you is right,”

“Someone who clicks?”

Hanzo shakes his head. Looks off into the beautiful landscape, feeling the love for his new group start to grow. He really cares about these people now. They are his friends, and they are willing to give him a chance.

What he doesn’t notice, is McCree stare at him with a realization. Not that Hanzo is now calling him Jesse, or that Hanzo is finally smiling more.

What McCree has realized that the person he has been looking for is Hanzo. A kindred spirit, someone who understands him. Someone who is looking for redemption like he is.

McCree likes Hanzo. He does.

He knows now. 

Yet neither say anything. It’s too soon for that. Too soon to know where they stand, where their feelings are. If these are even correct, or if this is right in any way. 

Jesse would never even want someone like me, Hanzo thinks as sleepiness starts to sit in. He knows that, he thinks that it’s true.

As he closes his eyes and falls asleep, he doesn’t see McCree gently brush his hair back, and wrap him in his serape. He doesn’t notice McCree grow close to him, put his head on his Hanzo’s, and close his eyes.

Hanzo cuddles up to McCree, not knowing that slowly the feelings that he has been trying to move away are starting to come up to his throat. That McCree is starting to feel the bubble in the bottom of his heart just as he had.

McCree and Hanzo fall asleep on the cold bench, pressed close, happy to be in someone else's comfort, even if it is just because they’re lonely.

Even if it is just because of that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very short because i'm finally getting where it's going good!   
> See you in a bit, because the next one is going to be LONG my friends

Yuna learned to shoot better very quickly. Here deep brown eyes flying quickly to clay shots McCree launched into the sky, taking them out in quick shots and smiling as McCree let out a low and deep whistle.

“Damn girly. Got some shot there,” He flicked his finger up to his hat, smiling up at the sky. There was a chill that was starting to set into Hanzo’s knees. He kept eyeing Ellie, seeing her scoot to the soft and warm sheets. She’s ready to pop, he knows that. 

“You know that me and Hana were trained right?” Yuna pops her hip, her heavily eyelined eyes staring at McCree, who blushed and look to the side.   
“Darlin’, you and Hana have amazing shots, but learning a little more helps. I would know,” He grows quiet, and starts to reload. 

“Who taught you how to shoot like that anyway?” Yuna says, getting close to him and reloading as well. Hanzo smiles at how much smaller she is than him. Her shoulders were pretty big, and her arms weren’t exactly small, but McCree’s stature was big compared to her.

McCree looks off into the distance, lining up his shot and quickly shooting six bullets in succession. Yuna’s eyes widen and Hanzo’s eye twitches as he hits every single shot right through the middle.

“Ana Amari. One of the best, and most intimidating woman i’ve ever met. No one like that can ever compare,” He smiles softly, blowing a puff of smoke away from Yuna, who stared at her own flimsy shots.

“Damn,”

Hanzo smiled gently, thinking of the old man that taught him how to shoot. His angry little lift in his lip as Hanzo’s tiny hands wobbled as he held it. He was never strict, or angry, just had an angry demeanor. The softness of his voice was always so different.

“Now Hanzo, don’t fret too much about how to hold yourself. First, we must get you used to concentrating. To the weight,” His knit brows twitched as Hanzo shook his head.

Kyo always had been a very good man. Very angry that Hanzo’s father would rather give him away to teachers when it was his turn to take care of Hanzo. As if he was a possession that could be given away like nothing.

Hanzo frowns at the ground, feeling slightly angry at himself that he let memories start to ruin things like this.

McCree had been acting… strange since he came back. Maybe he as well had let himself dwell too much on things that had happened in his life. Besides the fact that Lucio was here, he had been looking off into the dark sometimes. He’d just grow quiet, and then just go non verbal.

Hanzo wants to ask him what’s wrong. What makes him so sad, what makes him so quiet, and his eyes glaze over.

Yuna chatters and talks to McCree, giggling and laughing about something Hana had said. McCree’s smile is tight, and Yuna doesn’t know her well enough to notice it. To notice the sadness in his eyes, or the uncomfortable way he’s trying to scoot away, but holding himself there.

“Yuna. I think Hana needs some help with her stream, do you think you can get her food? I know that she does not eat well enough,”

Yuna turns and almost runs inside. She put her gun down on the small table next to Hanzo, making sure the safety was on and thanked him for reminding her. She threw the door open, and yelled in Korean, making Hana yell at her back and start a little fight. From what Hanzo could translate, she was yelling at her for not eating as many calories as she told her to. Hana mentioned something about the company complaining about her weight and Hanzo shut that off, trying not to make himself feel bad for Hana at the moment. He’ll bring that up later, and made a small check to give her more food when he could.

“Thanks for that, hun,” 

Hanzo smiles gently, patting the seat next to him. McCree smiles, and shakes his head, starting to clean up his area. He puts the guns away and wipes his hands, making sure to check if everything is put away.

Sitting besides Hanzo, he turns to look at him, and sighs.

“These kids are learning very quickly. Brigitte can already shoot almost in the middle. Hana’s hand to hand combat is going well with you too,”

“It is. She has a lot more strength than I expected,” Hanzo hums and McCree agrees with him. He’s seen her try to throw Genji over her shoulder when he was unwilling to go inside and rest after spending a couple days trying to fix the back of McCree’s home when he accidently broke the lawn shed.

“Jesse. You are… upset about something,” Hanzo said gently, trying not to sound like he was pushing him to talk about it. McCree stiffened beside him, and he took a deep breath, blowing out the smoke and sighing.

“I am. Just… Just give me a bit,”

Hanzo shakes his head, patting McCree’s leg, and standing up.

“I am here when you are ready. You have helped me enough to at least listen to you speak for a couple of hours,”

McCree smiles gently, staring at Hanzo as he walks away.

“I’ll take you up on that,”

  
  


* * *

 

Hanzo’s eyes open in the middle of the night. Ellie huffs besides him, and he knows the smell of blood anywhere. Sitting up, he sighs and cracks his back and looks down at Ellie.   
She whines at him and he smiles at her. Setting down towels, he puts her favorite pillows and sheets, wrapping her in the soft thing. Making sure she has space and then starts to pad down to the kitchen.

He pauses as he sees flashing lights. He is moving gently, pressing against the shadows and making sure that he breathes out of his mouth. To keep noise at a minimum, he walks on the tips of his feet, and pivots around a squeaky tile.

“Zen,”

A soft breathy sigh greets him and he stiffens as he sees Brigitte sitting in Zenyatta’s lap. Her eyes are lidded and she presses small kisses on the omnics faceplate. Her shirt is discarded onto the sofa, and he hands press softly the on sides of his face.

Zenyatta laughs softly, his eyes flashing bright red, and she smiles gently. Her eyes are soft and her face is full of care and love and Hanzo gently backs away. He realizes that he walked into something he wasn’t supposed to.

Just as Zenyatta gently undoes Brigitte’s bra does Hanzo pivot to run away and accidently steps right onto the squeaky board.

A couple of things happen right afterward, and to be honest, Hanzo didn’t mean to do anything of this.

Brigitte lets out a sharp yell, and trips over herself to hide. Zenyatta’s lights flash brightly, and he stiffens as he’s pushed and falls over, crashing into the table.

The sounds of feet quickly running towards the room make Brigitte yell louder in Swedish, making even more steps start to run towards the living room. Hanzo panics, denying the fact that he got flashed by Brigitte, or that McCree is coming out in really tight sleeping pants and a tighter shirt.

He stares as McCree holds a bat up, ready to start swinging. Genji has his wakizashi out, placing it in his hand, his helmet off and only wearing a pair of boxers.

“Master!” He yells and goes to walk over, but is stopped by Hanzo, who is about to pull of his shirt for Brigitte, but is beat by McCree, who throws it at her. His face is red and he looks away as her freckled skin is bright.

“Please don’t come in,” Zenyatta says gently, sitting up and trying to avoid looking towards his student. His lights keep flashing a soft pink and Hanzo tries not to feel terrible.   
“I apologize. I didn’t mean to… uh,” Hanzo turns redder and redder and both Brigitte and Zenyatta can’t look at him. 

Genji’s eyes are wide, and he looks at McCree’ who is rubbing his neck gently. Hanzo intensely stares at McCree’s chest, trying to ignore the image that he has in his head now. He really didn’t mean to walk into them…

McCree suddenly covers his own chest, making Hanzo raise his brows and look at the man. Maybe he’s embarrassed about those scars under his chest. Something embarrassing happened, perhaps?

“Are you decent, sweetheart?”

“Yes…” 

Hanzo turns around, seeing that Brigitte’s arms and chest are bigger than McCree’s, making the shirt look like a crop top on her.

Still embarrassed, he went to the kitchen and started to stack towels, and pulled out a large bowl to fill with hot water.   
Zenyatta and Genji gently talk to each other, and Brigitte quickly disappears into the girls shared room, her face still a bright red and she is covering her face from Hanzo’s gaze.

“Is something the matter?” McCree says gently, walking to Hanzo and staring as he starts to put the towels on his shoulder, and holding the large bowl.

“Ellie is giving birth,” He says softly and McCree jumps up and quickly heads to Hanzo’s room. He smiles gently, and follows suit. As he leaves, he hears Genji whisper to Zenyatta--

“Torbjorn is going to go absolutely crazy if he finds out,”

“So be it,”

 

* * *

 

McCree pets Ellie as she finishes giving birth. From what Hanzo can tell, there are five of them, and there’s no more after that, since she seems at peace and not whining anymore.

A small problem, though. The runt of the litter is not breathing. McCree sits cross legged, his eyebrows knit in anger, gently rubbing the babies back, cooing and trying to get it to wake up. Ellie stares at him with her soft brown eyes, looking a little scared.

Around the necks of the other four, ribbons in different colors are tied on them. Red, Brown, Green and Yellow are there names for now.

“Damn it. I need this little guy to make it, I want her first litter to be alive, god damn it,” McCree cusses softly, Hanzo trying to ignore the little tears at the end of his eyes. He feels bad as well, but this is how life is sometimes. Sometimes you can’t save everyone.

McCree’s gentle hands run over the little baby, grunting and angrily cussing in spanish, trying not to let the look of disappointment be evident on his face.

“McCree. McCree, do not fret, it happens--”

“No. I can’t just give up on it,” He whispers, and blows into its nose. It’s a different color than the rest, a more deep brown than the siblings. It twitches gently, but nothing happens as McCree holds it.

Suddenly, surprising Hanzo, the baby lets out a really loud yowl. Wiggling and yelling loudly, immediately wriggling and kicking at McCree’s hands. He smiles wide, settling down and letting the little guy start to eat.

“Boy?”

“Yeah. All girls except for that little baby,” McCree says, washing his hands in the hot water and sighing gently. The sun is rising, and Hanzo is tired, exhausted from being up all night. He pets Ellie, who smiles wide and gently lets a soft ‘awoo’ noise. She seems exhausted too, and in a couple of minutes she’s out, sleeping.

Hanzo cleans up as McCree leans back, smiling at the little group. He stares off into the window, sighing loudly.   
“Did you ever think of kids, Hanzo?”

“I was expected to get my wife pregnant,”   
“That’s not what I meant,”

Hanzo grows quiet as he sits down at the soft recliner in his room. He stares at the rising sun, and sighs out of his nose.

That’s what was expected of him. To have a wife, to get her pregnant as soon as possible, and bear a son. To make sure that he had more children, to extend the Shimada line. It was expected of him, of his brother, of his father, and of his mother. 

Shimada’s never had a choice in children.

“I… never really wanted any. Not in the situation I was in. And especially not after what I had done. I made sure that I was safe whenever I decided to bed someone I could get pregnant,” Hanzo rubs his fingers over his eyes and sighs gently.

“I never was good with children. They’d look at me and cry. Genji said it was my ugly face,” He laughs softly, running his fingers over his beard and then looking at McCree, who’s face is sad.

“I wasn’t expected to take care of them anyway. I was betrothed, and after I got her pregnant, was expected to only check it was a boy and then I could leave them to a governess. To my unfortunate wife.

“Whatever I was to do, I never wanted that. Never wanted to just leave a child in a situation that I could prevent. Why would I bring someone into this mess. Just for selfish reasons; to have the terrible fate to be called a Shimada,”

Gently, he stands and pops his back changing his shirt and ignoring the little look McCree gives him. Trailing over his chest, to his belly, to his crotch, and then looking away, as if burned.

“My mother raised me. Unfortunately, she passed when I was very young, and immediately my father took another wife. Genji’s mother loved me, but…” He stares off, and looks at the sky.

A feeling of incompleteness fills his chest. His mother was named Airi, and that’s all he remembers sometimes. Sometimes, very rarely, does he remember the gentle brush of her lips on his forehead. The soft fingers and smell of jasmine tea on her breath.

He wants to cry.

“I… uh… I’m sorry,”

“No.. It’s quite alright. Tell me about your family?” Hanzo clears his throat, and wipes at his eyes. He doesn’t want to admit that he does wish that he had those urges to be a parent. But after so much ache and pain and heartache, he can’t even have urges to live.

“I was the oldest out of three boys,” He smiles softly, wiping his face with his rag. Those long scars on his pecs are barely visible, and yet there are more that are more prominent and angry.

Hm. He wonders what type of accident he had. 

“Mom and Dad had a terrible little farm with 3 kids, barely able to keep afloat. The floorboards where weak, there were only two rooms, and we had too many mouths to feed,” His eyes grow distant as Hanzo settles in the recliner.

“I wish I could go back to it at times. Before I met Ashe. Before I got stuck with Deadlock. With Blackwatch,” He wipes at his lip and he laughs.

“God what I wouldn’t give for another one of my Dad’s three sister soup. What I wouldn’t give for my Mom’s screaming when I made a mistake when I helped her build or tried to help her shovel hay,”

McCree’s face is gentle; his hand on his belly and his face sad.   
“I never wanted no damn kids. Mom almost threw a fit when I started to come out to her. When she realized that I wasn’t what she wanted,” He sighs and then points to a long line on the inside of his stomach.

“Fucking didn’t even have to worry about it much after I was 16. Shrapnel tore right through everything, ruining any baby making shit in there. Men that I dated afterword, after they got past my gender, would usually run at that--”

Gender? Hanzo knits his brows, and then it clicks--

“--Especially learning that my hormones kill any chance afterward to have kids. Like, my value is only worth on how I can push out kids. Like I won’t ever be man enough because I was born with that ability.   
“It pissed off my mom that I suddenly decided that she was wrong and that I was now Jesse. She said that it ain’t right. It ain’t who she raised, it wasn’t that pretty girl she pampered. She really regret it when I joined Deadlock, and next thing you know, I was getting shot and coming home covered in blood.

“I don’t blame her for letting me fall into that shit… But damn, sometimes if only she loved her new son little more…” He wiped his fingers across the back of his face, and Hanzo stood up, then sat besides McCree.

He wrapped his arm around McCree’s shoulder, squeezing him and then patting his shoulder.    
He didn’t understand that. He didn’t understand what it was like to have the dice of fate be wrong with your gender. But he does understand what it’s like to be disregarded by your parent. To be seen as nothing.

McCree leans against his shoulder, and smiles gently.

“Besides, the guys I dated were bottoms, and I definitely can’t get someone pregnant with a strap,”

Hanzo spits up and starts laughing, choking and patting his chest, trying to stop laughing so hard. He hugs McCree, and patting his shoulder.

“Go to sleep Jesse.”

 

* * *

 

It’s frustrating that his thoughts start to reflect on certain feelings. Especially if they are someone he has to deal with.

His dream manifests McCree’s soft hands running up his back. His lips running over the length of neck, his teeth gently nipping. Hanzo’s hands shake as he runs his hands up his thigh, up his belly. McCree’s voice hot in his ear, whispering and whimpering Hanzo’s name, repeating it, making sure he knows how much he cares, how much he wants him.

Hanzo’s eyes snap open, and he grips the sheet on his chest. Sweat is dripping down his brow, and he sits up, ignoring the obvious hard on he has. He turns, putting his feet down and taking a deep and long breath.

This was… not good.

Showering and slipping on clothes, he ignores the flush of hormones that he’s dealing with now. He doesn’t want to look at Jesse and immediately get a boner, that’d suck so bad. Now’s not the time to have to deal with these feelings.

He walks outside, seeing that the sun is still out. At least he didn’t sleep all through the entire day. Gently, he pats Ellie, smiling as she lets out a bark and wags her tail.

Walking out, the entire group is all sitting on the table, McCree is pouring deep red stuff into deep bowls, laughing and giggling as all the girls dig in. Lucio and Genji are eating side by side, cuddling and loving on McCree’s food.

McCree runs his fingers through Hana’s hair, patting her and smiling as she looks up at him with a full mouth of food.

“Hana, please--” he said gently, wiping her mouth, and laughing as she eats faster. Yuna is making a face at Hana, eating a smaller bowl of food.    
McCree stares in absolute love and care the the large group. His eyes twinkle and Hanzo stares softly at him. He’s almost completely in love with the situation.

He understands what it’s like to have nothing and suddenly to come home to someone. Specifically in McCree’s presence.

To walk into a home, and instead of a quiet and terribly lonely silence, it’s Genji and Lucio kissing on the cheek. It’s Hana picking on Yuna, yelling about her video game, and Yuna crossing her leg and gently giving her snacks and water.

It’s coming home to McCree sitting on the corner recliner, reading a large book in another language, carefully humming to the music he has, carefully drinking his whiskey and smoking his honey cigar.

Hanzo sits down beside McCree, who hands him a bowl. McCree talks to him, telling him Hana’s improvement, Brigitte’s new relationship with Zenyatta (much to Brigitte’s dismay as they all pick on her. Hanzo apologizes for the third time) and some info on the new mission.

Suddenly, McCree’s phone rings, and he puts his fork down, pulling his communicator out and answering.

“McCree?”

He walks out of the room, talking quietly. Hanzo stares at his phone, a reminder sent to him from his tickets. Telling him that the date is coming up, and that everything that he was avoiding for a while was now coming forward.

“Damn. That was Winston. I got a mission in Japan in like a week,” McCree sits down, picking at his food, and trying not to seem disappointed. Hanzo guesses it’s because Ellie now has puppies and he has been excited for while.

Hanzo blinks, and then looks at McCree.

“I have two tickets already for next week. Do you wish for me to come with you?”

Genji looks up from his food. He wants to make a comment. Hanzo doesn’t meet his gaze, making sure to look at McCree, not wanting to look like he was avoiding his look.

“Oh. I.. Well I do need to relearn how to work with other people. You sure you’re okay with coming with me?”

“Why would I mind?”

McCree agrees. Both him and Hanzo sit in silence, and Genji glares at him, expecting an answer. But at the same time, he knows. He knows what Hanzo wants, and what he was going to do.

Everyone sits in the living room as him and McCree wash dishes. Hanzo’s quiet, and McCree nudges him, smiling as he looks up at him.

“Thanks for offering to come with me. I sure do get lonely going to places by myself. And anyway, I haven’t really used my Japanese in a couple of years, so having a native speaker will help,”

“If you don’t mind, I have some business to attend to before we do the mission. If that is alright,”

“Love, you can do whatever you want before that. Would be great if you can show me around too,” McCree says softly, and Hanzo’s face turns bright red.

Oh no.

Hanzo finishes washing the dishes, walking outside as he wipes his hands. There’s noise from the inside, making it into a nice white noise as he lights a cigarette and sits down on the bench.

His cheeks are still bright red from McCree calling him that. Being affectionate to him, showing him love and care.

As McCree goes around pulling out his duffel and starting to make a list of things to take, Hanzo knows that he’s made a mistake.

Shifting his pants, he tries to ignore the rush of hormones from being shown affection. He covers his face in shame, and sighs loudly as he tucks his legs under his chin.

Well, he’s made his bed. Time to do this then.

Hopefully, he doesn’t make an absolute fool out of himself.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've written in a while, I'm so sorry if it's a mess. I dont have a beta, and I'm just... winging it my dudes  
> Any updates or previews are on my tumblr and Twitter which are both rockitsuu


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